DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend, a mom from my daughter’s private school, who travels a lot. I didn’t really think about it much until recently. That’s when I figured out that she must be rich.
When we hang out, I have no sense of what her life is like outside the bubble that we are in with our kids and stuff.
I was thinking about it, and in just the past year, she has gone on four major trips. When she comes back, she always shares little bits, but now I’m curious about what her life is really like.
Since she hasn’t included me in those stories, I wonder if it’s appropriate for me to ask questions. She is a cool lady. She doesn’t work, but she doesn’t flaunt her lifestyle either.
Should I just leave well enough alone?
Who Is She?
DEAR WHO IS SHE? Why do you want to know? Answer that before you start asking questions.
You may discover that there are many wealthy families at your school. If they keep their wealth low-key, that can be a plus for everyone. Her personal business is hers to share if she so chooses.
If your curiosity is getting the best of you, you can ask her to tell you about her most recent trip. If you develop a sincere friendship with her, you will naturally learn about her life as you also should share about your own. Learning about others can be fascinating — and daunting, too.
Just do your best to hold your own by staying confident in who you are, what you value and what you teach your child about life. Do not try to compete with her or value yourself less if you discover she has more than you do of certain things.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My health issues have become so overwhelming that it’s putting a strain on my relationship.
My partner has been supportive and understanding, but the amount of energy and attention I need is beginning to take a toll.
It’s hard to keep from seeing myself as a burden when I’m feeling this way, and I know it must be difficult for my partner, too. They are trying to help in any way they can, but it’s just not enough sometimes. We’re both struggling with this situation, and it feels like an uphill battle that we can’t seem to win.
How do I ensure that my relationship won’t suffer because of my health problems?
Worried
DEAR WORRIED: Don’t push your partner away. They are there for you and with you, which is amazing.
Thank them for being there through this incredibly tough period. Acknowledge that you understand how tough things are right now, and you appreciate all that they are doing for you.
Assess your needs, and figure out if there is any additional support that you can get. Will your insurance provide extra help? Can you utilize an outpatient resource to help with any logistical needs you may have? Figure out anything and everything that you can round up to help you manage your needs.
Before you put a plan in place, talk to your partner. Lay out what you have learned, and ask for their input. Make sure that you present these ideas as ways to support your health needs and take some of the burden off of them. Ask for their buy-in.
Your partner may just be that “through thick and thin, in sickness and in health” person for you. You don’t want to run them away if they are up for being your lifelong partner. Ask where they stand and figure out how you can help ease the burden on everyone.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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