DEAR HARRIETTE: I have some negative history with a woman who is now back in my life through work.
We worked together years ago, and it didn’t end well. I didn’t like the way she handled certain things, and I let her know how I felt.
Now, here we are again, working together on a project. I wonder if I should clear the air and acknowledge that things didn’t go so well last time.
Should I say that I hope we will work better this go-round or just leave it alone? As I recall it, I was the one who complained before. But I know it was awkward for both of us.
Awkward
DEAR AWKWARD: If it feels potentially awkward now, you can say something positive to her about this new experience. You can tell her you look forward to working together on the project at hand. You may also recommend that you two come up with a way of working together that is mutually beneficial for both of you.
If there is something specific that didn’t work before, you may want to suggest that you both agree to take a different approach this time.
While in the moment, this could feel extraordinarily uncomfortable, stepping up and actively working to find a way for the two of you to work well together creates the space for a positive outcome. Let her know you are sincere, and then see what happens.
DEAR HARRIETTE: In a few weeks, I’m moving out of state. I have been telling my family and friends about the move, and out of enthusiasm, I encouraged people to visit me as soon as possible.
I’ve had a few people say they’re taking me up on my offer and coming in the next month. I’m a little nervous because I’m not even there yet or settled into my new place, but the visitors are eager to come.
I want to provide the best experience for my friends, but I’m wondering if I invited them too soon. What should I do? Should I apologize for not giving myself more time to settle or do my best to prepare for their visits?
Too Soon
DEAR TOO SOON: Put on the brakes — right now.
You must give yourself a chance to get acclimated to your new environment. You have to move in, get your bearings, learn the hot spots to visit and find your comfort zone. That could take you a few weeks up to a couple of months.
Put the visits on pause for the most part. Tell your loved ones that you were a bit too eager to have company. Push all trips that you can back a few weeks. If people complain that they made plans already, apologize for being too eager but stand your ground. You deserve to give yourself time to get comfortable in your new home.
Unless you intend to move back home soon after this move, take a deep breath, relax and invite your friends to do the same. Then space out their visits so that you have time alone, time meeting new people and time visiting with them.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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