DEAR HARRIETTE: Ever since the pandemic started, I have spent the whole summer at my family’s cottage in a small beach community.
We have gone there for summer vacations since we were kids. I’m so grateful for this little oasis. While in the past I went there only for fun, it has turned into a safe and comfortable place for me to work since I still work remotely.
The problem is that my friends who are there do not understand that I am often working. They pop over the way they always have, ready to play. I have told them now for three summers that I mostly have to wait until after 5 p.m. to be free to be with them.
I can tell they are mad at me. I have broken our cycle, and they don’t like it.
How can I get it clear to them that this isn’t personal? I have to work, and I want to spend time with them, too. I just have to schedule it.
Work/Fun Balance
DEAR WORK/FUN BALANCE: You may want to make a sign to put on your front door to alert your friends of your status. One side could say, WORK TIME: DO NOT DISTURB. The other side can say, FUN TIME: COME ON IN. Or you can think of something else that’s clever that will let your friends know when they are welcome.
I’m sure it hurts their feelings for you to shoo them away when they come over. It is also equally disruptive to you and your work if they burst in and you are on a call or otherwise occupied.
Tell them that you have an idea that may help with the rhythm of your engagement. Get their buy-in, and post it!
DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a teenager now, and I realize that I haven’t taught her housework very well.
My husband and I have handled most of the household chores over the years. She was left to do her homework or whatever else she was doing. Now I see that this lack of engagement around the home is bad for her — and for us.
When I ask her to wash the dishes, she does a terrible job. She may wash them, but she leaves the sink dirty. Or if I ask her to clean her room, one half is tidied; the other half is a wreck.
How can I teach her these things now without it feeling like a punishment?
Learn To Clean
DEAR LEARN TO CLEAN: She may consider your requirements to clean and generally do housework as a punishment at first, but so be it. What may help is if you offer to tackle tasks together.
As you teach her to clean the kitchen and to cook a few basic items, invite her to do it with you. You can teach her and talk about life, school, friends, etc. Same goes for cleaning her room. If she is leaving it half complete, it means she doesn’t understand or accept what fully cleaned looks like. So do it with her and show her what you want and expect. This may include discarding items that are no longer of use.
Tackle the task together until she understands it. Then have her do it on her own. Make a schedule for cleaning that she must follow before she hangs out with friends or dives into her phone.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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