DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my younger co-workers — who has no authority or rank over me — attempted to boss me around the other day.
He told me to “get back to work and make better use of my time” while I was talking to another co-worker on my break. It was uncalled for, and he did it in front of other people.
I immediately reported the incident to my boss, and she assured me it wouldn’t happen again.
That doesn’t change the fact that I was openly and blatantly belittled by a fellow employee.
I am not the type to brush disrespect under the rug like it never happened. I am wondering what even made him think he could speak to me like he was superior to me.
Should I go to my boss again to ensure that she takes action, or should I speak directly to my co-worker this time?
Bossy Co-Worker
DEAR BOSSY CO-WORKER: You have to stand up for yourself. It is fine that you reported his behavior, but in order to stop a bully, you have to speak up directly to them.
You can consider a number of things to do next. Ignore him until the next incident, but respond in the moment, inviting him to mind his business or using humor to ask him if he’s jealous that you aren’t talking to him. You can directly ask him what his beef is with you. Often, bullies are caught off guard when confronted. If he plays dumb, remind him of the moment when he called you out. Ask him why he would think he needed to say such a thing to you.
The bottom line is that you need to check this person face-to-face. Otherwise, he will likely do or say something else again that is unacceptable.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I really liked my boyfriend’s brother up until recently. Then my boyfriend told me that the brother attempted to set him up on a blind date with another woman while we were still very much in a relationship.
I can’t understand why he would do such a thing. My boyfriend and I are perfectly happy, and I get along with his brother well.
Why would he do something like that? How am I supposed to feel about him now?
Betrayal
DEAR BETRAYAL: If you and your boyfriend’s brother have been close, why not go directly to him and ask why he would do that? Tell him that you thought you two were on the same page — that he liked you and respected your relationship with his brother.
If he has any issues with you, ask him to let you know directly. If he thinks his brother should not be exclusive with you, ask him why. Tell him you feel betrayed that he would try to set up his brother with someone else when he knows you two are exclusive.
What’s good is that you and your boyfriend are in alignment. Not only did he not go on the date, but he also told you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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