DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I’m having a case of déjà vu. I am a tall person. I don’t really think about it much, but recently I was in a professional setting with a group of co-workers who were all nearly a foot shorter than me. When we were all standing around talking, it was awkward. They were talking to each other and basically ignoring me.
I felt like I was in high school again as the odd girl out. I haven’t had that feeling in years, so it really threw me off. But I know I’m not imagining it. There were about six of them. They were clustered together talking, and I was not part of the group.
I am going to be working with them at my new job, and I want to find a way to bridge the height difference. What do you recommend?
The Tallest One
DEAR THE TALLEST ONE: As someone who has been in your situation before, I can tell you that it can be uncomfortable and you can get past it.
First, embrace your height. It is God’s gift to you, just as theirs is God’s gift to them.
When they start talking to one another, move in closer and listen when appropriate and add your ideas when it’s the right time. When it seems like they are excluding you, call them on it. Ask them to repeat their point and speak directly to you so you can hear. Speak loudly enough so that they can hear you, and ask them to do the same.
When possible, sit when you are talking to them so that you balance out the height differences.
Remain confident in yourself. You deserve to be there just as much as they do.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My professional relationship with my therapist has gradually developed into somewhat of a friendship; we’ve started texting from time to time outside of our sessions, and there’s definitely a newfound comfort level.
I really appreciate the personal connection I have developed with my therapist, especially because therapy has helped me with some serious personal issues in the past. Having someone in my life that understands me so well has been really reassuring, and I love the conversations that we have.
At the same time, I can’t help but wonder if it’s unprofessional of my therapist to cross this boundary with me. I wouldn’t want to do anything to compromise the integrity of the work that I’m doing with my therapist — or their career.
I guess I just don’t know what to do at this point. What would you recommend?
Friendly Therapist
DEAR FRIENDLY THERAPIST: The best relationship with a therapist is strictly professional. If you want to be friends with your therapist, consider finding a new therapist to take their place.
Say as much to your therapist. Point out that you are beginning to enjoy the personal side of your relationship, but it worries you. Put it out there and say that if the two of you want to become friends, you would like to find someone else to take on the professional work. See what unfolds from there.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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