DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always been messy, but things have gotten a lot worse recently.
I have been working overtime to try to make up for the shortfall during COVID-19, but I have also been working from home. I look around, and I am horrified by the clutter that has built up in my place. I don’t invite anybody to come over because I am ashamed of my living conditions.
Recently, a friend from work informed me that she is moving into my building. She says she can’t wait for us to hang out.
I am in a panic. I like her, but I can’t let her see my home. What should I do?
Hoarder
DEAR HOARDER: Take a deep breath and address one thing at a time.
You know you need help getting your house in order. Since you have not been successful yet in decluttering and organizing your space, you must seek professional help to turn your home around. For starters, there is a 12-step organization that can help you face your addiction to stuff. Contact Clutters Anonymous (recovery.org/support-groups/clutters-anonymous) to help you.
You can also engage a professional cleaning service to come in and work with you to unload the clutter in your home. There are plenty of businesses that can help. This won’t be easy, as you seem to have an emotional attachment to your belongings, but if you keep the big picture in mind, you may be able to take control over your home. For a nationwide directory of hoarding supporters, call Hoarding Cleanup: 800-462-7337.
As far as your friend goes, don’t invite her over until you are ready. Period.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Having conversations about how much money I make with my friends and family has always made me uncomfortable, so I decided that when people ask me, I’m just going to lie about it.
I am lying so that I can avoid unwanted opinions and advice — I hate unsolicited advice — or wage-shaming.
I’ve started telling my friends that I make significantly more than I do. Is it wrong to lie about my salary?
Little White Lie
DEAR LITTLE WHITE LIE: I prefer not answering to lying. Lies usually blow up in our faces at some point.
Stop talking about your salary altogether. When it comes up again, deflect the conversation. Rather than lying again, simply don’t answer. Turn the conversation around and ask them about their jobs. That will likely take up some time. People love to talk about themselves. Let them rant on and on about their successes or failures. When they come back to you, feel free to tell them that you do not like talking about money, and your salary is none of their business. Yes, you can say that to people who won’t stop asking.
For yourself, you should examine your life and your finances. What is your income, and do you make enough money to support yourself? If not, what can you do differently to increase your income? This is an important conversation to have with yourself and for you to address as needed for your life, but it is not anyone else’s responsibility or right to offer unsolicited advice.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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