DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that my girlfriend set up push notifications on her phone for every time I publish a tweet or a Facebook post.
This means that when I post a status or a tweet, even when it has nothing to do with her, she’ll be notified.
This was obviously something she didn’t want me to know about. I asked her about it, and she denied it and told me that she is notified whenever anyone she follows posts anything (completely untrue).
Should I be alarmed by this? It’s totally normal for her to want to view my page, but to be notified about every post just seems a bit extreme.
GF Stalks My Page
DEAR GF STALKS MY PAGE: You two need to talk about your relationship and boundaries.
Ask her why she wants to follow your every move on social media. Does she have reason to distrust you? If so, you may want to deal with that directly.
If there is no legitimate reason for her to feel she has to check your actions, you need to find out why she would make this choice.
Furthermore, you need to establish boundaries. Nobody wants to be stalked, even by a girlfriend. Ask her to stop. It’s OK for her to look at your posts without tracking you. If she refuses, you will need to reassess if this is the kind of relationship that you want to have.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I lived with my aunt and her husband over the summer. Every day that I was there, they made me feel unwelcome. They would make comments to me about not paying any bills. It got to the point where I cut my trip short because of how uncomfortable they both made me.
Now that I’ve left, they are always asking me to come back and visit. They even asked me to visit them during Christmas, which I have never done before.
What could this be about? I almost feel as if they’re gaslighting me.
Unwelcome Guest
DEAR UNWELCOME GUEST: You may want to have a direct conversation with them.
Ask them why they want you to come back to visit with them. Listen to their answers. Then tell them why you are confused. Point out that when you did stay with them, it was uncomfortable enough that you left early. Tell them that you do not understand what happened during your visit this summer. What you do know is that you did not enjoy your time there.
Tell them you love them and hope to see them again, but you do not plan on visiting any time soon. This is much easier said than done, I realize, as I say this to you. But what happens more often is for people to bite their tongues and endure the negativity — especially if the challenges are coming from elders.
Without being disrespectful, you can state your case so that your family knows that everything is not OK between you. If they choose to clear the air with you, maybe something great can come out of it. Otherwise, it’s fine for you to see them on occasion without staying with them.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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