DEAR HARRIETTE: I accidentally put my foot in my mouth when talking to a woman I really hoped to become friends with.
I was trying to be funny and make a joke, but it came out wrong, and she got offended. I felt terrible afterward, and I’m not sure how to fix the situation. I tried to backpedal and explain that I didn’t actually mean anything by it, but it was too late; the damage was done, and our conversation fizzled out after that.
I’m really kicking myself for saying the wrong thing, because I really liked her and we were having such a great time chatting. I know there are no second chances for first impressions, but is there anything I could do to fix what I’ve done?
Foot in Mouth
DEAR FOOT IN MOUTH: Request an opportunity to see this woman again. If granted, go to her openly and tell her the truth.
Perhaps because you hoped to become her friend, you were trying too hard to get her to like you, and you stumbled as you talked to her. Apologize again for offending her. Admit that you were trying to be funny, and obviously that didn’t work.
You might explain to her that you feel a bit like a teenage boy who punches his love interest in the arm as a sign of endearment, and it makes the girl mad rather than starry-eyed.
You messed up. You wanted to tell her because you really want a second chance to get to know her. You hope she will grant it.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My son got a job as a bartender a little while ago, and he’s making some pretty good money.
It’s definitely not the career path I had envisioned for him, but I’m still proud of him for getting a job and doing well. However, I fear that this decent wage is all he needs to be content with his career.
I want my son to challenge himself and find fulfillment in his work. If he gets too comfortable with the paychecks now, he may never explore opportunities or learn more about career fields that may interest him.
How can I help him realize that there is still room for growth without making him feel bad about what he has already achieved?
Don’t Get Complacent
DEAR GET COMPLACENT: You cannot control your son, no matter how hard you try. You can encourage him to think ahead about his life by considering making one-year, five-year and 10-year plans.
Start by congratulating him on securing a job that helps him be independent and responsible for himself. Find out what he likes about this job and what the challenges are. Find out if he is saving money as part of a plan for tomorrow. Then talk to him about what he envisions his future to be.
Notice that I did not say what you envision for him. You are not the focus here. It is your son’s life. He has to consider what he wants to do with it. You can gently encourage him to expand his horizons, but don’t push too hard or he will instinctively push back.
Have patience. He has to find his way. You cannot do that for him.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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