DEAR HARRIETTE: I heard from an old friend from college the other day. I have not talked to him in about 30 years.
He reached out to me on social media, asking me for help. It was a bit weird hearing from him, but I would never want to leave somebody stranded. It got awkward, though. He was direct-messaging me and asking me to send him money.
When I asked him a few questions about his life and what exactly was going on, he got really defensive.
Ultimately, I decided not to give him any money. Something seems fishy about the whole exchange. Still, I feel bad. I don’t want to be the guy who didn’t have somebody’s back when he was in a desperate place.
Do you think I did the right thing?
When To Help
DEAR WHEN TO HELP: It sounds like you did the right thing. Many impostors are out there in the social media world, preying on people’s kindness, assuming the identities of their loved ones and often successfully getting money from them. It is unlikely that you were actually talking to your old friend.
What you may want to do is go back and find your friend through a different channel and attempt to reach him that way. Tell him you think his identity may have been compromised. Don’t share any personal information, but try to say something that will get him to respond in a way that someone who doesn’t know you couldn’t do. Perhaps you can help him get to the bottom of it.
If you know anyone who is friends with him and may know how to reach him directly, try that approach. It would be great of you to inform him that you believe someone has stolen his identity.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My baby is now in college, and I am stressed out. We are so close, and I know I am not supposed to be calling him every day or checking in all the time, but I can’t seem to stop. I miss him so much.
I know he is doing well at school. I’m the one struggling. When I call, he is often studying, hanging out with friends or at his campus job. I have called a few times when he was asleep, too. That was bad.
How can I give him space to become independent and not be depressed myself?
Cutting the Cord
DEAR CUTTING THE CORD: Plan out some activities to keep yourself busy. It is important for you to give your son space. Let him reach out to you more than you contact him.
When he does reach out, don’t sound desperate. Just be present. If you take up a hobby or a project around the house, it will help give you a focal point other than your son.
When you talk, you can tell him about what you are doing to explore this new interest, and listen, of course, to what he wants to tell you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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