DEAR HARRIETTE: I barely speak to my husband anymore. Nine times out of 10 when we talk, it ignites an argument, usually about nothing. He always has to be right, and he doesn’t listen.
It wasn’t like that in the early days. We used to enjoy each other’s company, but not anymore.
I remember a roommate I had in college. We coexisted in our space, but no more than that. That was better than this. At least with that woman, it wasn’t hostile, it was just two people living in the same space. This is different. My husband and I are supposed to be in a relationship.
I thought in marriage you were supposed to communicate and choose to do things together. That died years ago, for the most part.
Do I just accept that this is how it will be from now on? How can I make it better?
It Feels Dead
DEAR IT FEELS DEAD: Have you talked to your husband — or at least attempted to do so? I know you hate the idea of arguing with him, but you do need to start some kind of communication.
Think about what you used to enjoy doing together. Invite him to do that with you now. Basically invite him on a date. Tell him you want to spend more time with him. Ask him what he would like to do. If he has no ideas, come up with some, and urge him to join you. If you have mutual friends, schedule a date with them. Yes, it will take extra energy, but why not?
The late actress Ruby Dee, who was married for more than 50 years to the actor Ossie Davis, told me once that a marriage has a chance to last as long as one of the two still wants it to work because that person will make an effort.
Don’t give up yet. See if your effort can spark some positive energy.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am traveling with a work group, and we will be in close quarters for about a month. I like the people I’m traveling with, so I suspect everything will be fine.
My one concern is that I have a number of medical issues that nobody knows about. I am a very private person, especially about things like this. I had to fill out a form to outline my medical history, but that form was private.
I’m wondering if I am under any obligation to tell my team about my medical challenges. For the most part, there should be no issues. I am under medical supervision, and I follow the protocol I have been given. I have no physical restrictions. I can’t go skydiving or zip lining, but other than that, I’m good.
Will I be able to keep my health status to myself?
Staying Private
DEAR STAYING PRIVATE: Review the agenda for your extended trip to see what is planned, and make sure there is nothing on the list that you cannot or do not want to do. If you see something, tell your supervisor. You don’t have to explain your medical circumstances, necessarily, but you should indicate which activities you will not participate in. If pressed, you can say that the reason is medical.
Outside of that, keep a list of your medications and health concerns together in an easy-to-find location. This will be helpful if you experience a medical emergency. It could be your carry-on bag, for example. Should someone need to check on your health status, make it easy to find.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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