DEAR READERS: Today is National Coming Out Day. I have never written about this day specifically before, but it has come up so much recently, I decided to use this platform to speak to the power and importance of inclusivity at this time in our culture.
On one hand, it is wonderful that people are feeling more free to express themselves as they are — whatever that means. On the other, hate crimes against people, especially in the trans community, are rising.
We live in a divided culture. Depending on where you are, how you grew up and what you have experienced, your exposure to people who are different from you varies widely.
I find that when we are in the company of people whose lives differ from our own, we get an up-close view of who they are and how they live in the world. Amazingly, that usually softens any preconceived notions we may have about others. Some of the most conservative members of our government, for example, have broadened their perspective when members of their family identified as part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
It’s one thing to hold private thoughts about people and to judge them based upon how they live, and quite another to get to know individuals and learn to accept them for who they are, even when they are substantially different from you.
I interviewed several trans people this year. One woman had never told her family because they were so judgmental. It was only after her parents died that she felt comfortable living her truth.
Another woman who works in corporate America said that she was able to thrive in her career because early on she found an ally in a compassionate boss who stood up for her during pivotal moments.
In both cases, these people said that what they wanted more than anything from others was to be treated like human beings. They asked to be greeted as you would any other colleague or associate. They wanted others in their realm to be willing and interested in getting to know them for who they are as people. They longed for people in their communities to take the time to see them and talk to them and get to know them.
Honestly, at first I thought this was too small of an ask. If you have a platform to say what you really want, why not reach higher? That’s what was in my mind.
But then I had time to sit with all that they had shared with me. During their lifetimes, they had not enjoyed what some consider to be a simple privilege of humanity: being seen and accepted without judgment. They had experienced rejection from the people they loved the most. They had lost the ability to earn a living because employers or co-workers rejected them. They had lost the feeling that they were safe because strangers attacked them. All they wanted was just to be.
That should not be too big of an ask. At this moment in our history, when the focus is squarely on diversity, equity and inclusion, let’s make an effort to look at each other through a thoughtful, welcoming lens. Let’s choose to see people for who they are and be OK with that.
Think about it for a minute: Whatever you were teased about, possibly even bullied about, hurt you deeply. Don’t pass that on to others. Treat others the way you want to be treated. That includes those in the LGBTQIA+ community. We all make up humanity.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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