DEAR HARRIETTE: My former best friend called me the other day and told me she needed to speak to me about something important.
She hosts a popular podcast series and told me that her newest episode would be about our friendship and the reason we grew apart. She briefed me on what she said about me. (The show had already been recorded.)
She said she wanted to give me a warning before it aired because she didn’t want me to be blindsided. I gave her my blessing.
I listened to the episode after it aired, and it was nothing like what she warned me it would be like. She made me out to be such a bad person. She didn’t mention my name, but it was so obviously about me.
Should I tell her to take it down? Should I confront her?
Take It Down
DEAR TAKE IT DOWN: Make this an opportunity to clear the air with this woman. Call her and tell her that you listened to the podcast, and you would like to get together and talk to her.
Have a conversation with her about your friendship. Tell her that your recollection of what transpired between you is dramatically different from what she said about you. Describe your recollection of what occurred between you. Ask her if she remembers any of the details that you put forward.
Challenge the stories that you do not agree with that she shared in her podcast. Bring up specific stories and describe what you remember in comparison to what she said. Tell her that her portrayal of you does not seem accurate to you, and it makes you very uncomfortable.
You can ask her to take it down. If you are up for it, you may want to suggest that the two of you talk on the podcast so that you can set the record straight.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt has been with her husband since she was 18 years old and never had to work if she didn’t want to. Being a stay-at-home mother is all she’s ever known.
I recently expressed my desire to move out of my parents’ house the other day (I am 25), and she completely discouraged me from doing so. She told me I have no idea what it takes to be on my own and that I would be crazy to live in a major city without a roommate on my current salary.
I didn’t find this conversation helpful. She is the only person in my family who completely discouraged me from moving out. Ironically, she is also the only person in my family who has never paid any bills. Should I tell her that her advice is meaningless?
Didn’t Ask
DEAR DIDN’T ASK: Rather than shooting the messenger, listen to her advice to see what you can learn from it. How much does it cost to rent an apartment where you live? Based on your current salary, what can you afford to pay? If she is right about that point, consider getting a roommate. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that option. You could also look for a neighborhood that’s a bit farther away where the prices are lower.
The point here is to hear what your aunt had to say as you make your plans. Ultimately, you have to decide your next steps for yourself. Do not discount her counsel, though. Her life’s trajectory does not necessarily mean that her opinion is worthless. Everyone who offers advice has a perspective that you can consider as long as you remember that none of those people has the power to make you do anything.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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