DEAR HARRIETTE: I had just got back from college, and I texted a friend to find out when we could meet up.
We did not decide on a day to hang out. The particular day I had in mind, it turned out our schedules conflicted.
On that day, I woke up to three missed calls from her. When I called her back, she said she had some time between her plans and asked if I could meet her. I said that I did not have enough time, and we agreed to see each other another day.
Many hours later, she called again, asking me to meet up with her and a few of our other friends. I left my plans to head over to meet her, and she rushed me the whole way. When I arrived, she had already left without telling me.
I was upset with her, having gone out of my way to leave my other friends because of how adamant she seemed about seeing me.
I do not want to linger on it, but I do not think she will understand why I am annoyed.
What should I do? Do I confront her about it or just get over it, accept that she wasted my time and move on?
Conflict With Friend
DEAR CONFLICT WITH FRIEND: Your friend made a selfish, erratic move. Your efforts to assuage her ended up backfiring on you.
Yes, you can tell her how frustrating that situation was. Acknowledge that you both wanted to see each other, but that moment didn’t work at all.
If you want to stay friends with her, forgive her for being selfish.
Next time, play out the scenario in your mind all the way to the end to see what makes sense before you jump through hoops for someone. Directly saying no can often salvage relationships and feelings.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am studying abroad currently, and I recently video-called my mom to see how she was doing.
When she picked up her phone, I immediately recognized something was wrong. Her facial muscles were very relaxed on one side of her face as if she had had a stroke.
I asked her what was wrong, and she told me the new medication she switched to for her multiple sclerosis has been making her feel sick. I was really worried, so I advised her to go to the hospital. It turns out she had had a relapse, and by the time she got to the doctor, she couldn’t even walk.
I am in a distant country right now and feel as if I am not showing up for my mom as I should.
Do you think that I should fly back to the United States or finish out the rest of the three weeks that I have left in my program?
Sick Mom
DEAR SICK MOM: Get in touch with family and friends who can reach your mother. Ask them to check in on her to find out how she is doing and to ensure that she is stable. Find out if anyone is willing to watch over her until you return.
Contact your mother’s doctor. With her permission, you should be able to get a clear update on her condition and her relative stability.
Multiple sclerosis is a progressive disease, but it typically deteriorates the body slowly. Find out from the doctor if it is safe for you to complete your studies. If so, stay in close touch with the doctor and your family-appointed caregiver as well as your mother while you finish your stay.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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