DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter had friends over for the weekend at our summer cottage. I noticed that two of them sneaked off to be in a room together for an extended period of time, though I only realized this after the fact.
I do not allow teenagers to sleep together in my house, even if they are already 18; my daughter knows that. I asked her to speak to her friends and let them know I thought that was disrespectful. They obliged and didn’t sneak off anymore.
Should I tell their parents that this occurred? I’m not quite sure how to handle this.
Crossing a Line
DEAR CROSSING A LINE: I’m not sure how helpful it would be to tell the parents that their teens were in a room behind a closed door for a while. You don’t know what happened — if anything.
You do know that you were able to enforce your house rules, even if it was after the fact. In the future, you can make it clear to the teens what the boundaries are and that if they cross them, they have to leave.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter used to have a bad habit of biting her nails down to the skin. Over the years, she has done much better, which is why it is worrying me now that she is back to this behavior.
I don’t know what is going on with her, but I’m sure that something is wrong. I try to get her to talk to me, but she’s unwilling to open up.
She is an only child. To my knowledge, she may talk to her best friend about certain things, but I’m not sure.
I’m at my wit’s end. My daughter is 19, so I can’t force her to do anything, but she does still live in my house. What can I do to help her?
Nail Biter
DEAR NAIL BITER: You can reach out to her best friend. Let her know what your concern is — namely, that nail-biting is a potential sign of something serious that your daughter is dealing with. Ask if she knows of anything that you should be aware of.
Make it clear that you aren’t necessarily asking her to betray your daughter’s confidence. You are just concerned about her. Perhaps she can inquire on her own to see how your daughter is doing. Even if she doesn’t report back exactly what she learns, she may be able to console your daughter. If there’s any red-alert situation, encourage her to inform you.
The most important thing is for you to keep the dialogue going with your daughter. Invite her to do things with you that you both enjoy.
Find ways to spend time together so that you are in her company more. Resist the urge to ask a million questions. Just be with her to the best of your ability. Let her know you will support her no matter what is going on.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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