Harriette Cole: What my girlfriend posts makes me uncomfortable

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been with my girlfriend for two years now, and things are great. But I am starting to get a little bit uncomfortable with how often she posts about me on social media.

It’s nice that she wants to share our moments, but the attention she’s getting can be a bit too much. It doesn’t help that I’m not even on social media, and even people from my job have seen some of her posts.

I’m feeling a bit invaded; what advice can you give me to navigate this situation?

No Privacy

DEAR NO PRIVACY: Believe it or not, an important part of establishing ground rules in relationships these days occurs around boundaries of privacy. And, yes, that includes social media.

Very often, couples do not share the same views on what is public information and what is not. The more social partner in a relationship may feel the urge to post every day or to post intimate moments that the other may consider to be obviously private.

You cannot assume what your partner thinks. You need to talk about it. Some people require approval of any image they are included in before posting. Some limit the frequency of posting. Some refuse any postings with alcohol (a wise choice for everyone). Some decline any posting at all.

You need to negotiate this with your partner. Guess what? It may be a difficult thing to manage, especially if you don’t share the same views on the subject. Ultimately, you may come to a compromise that allows both perspectives to be considered.

As you are working to reach the compromise, be sure to include the impact that postings can have on your career, your status in the community and, of course, your privacy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman I know recently moved into my building, and I have noticed many people whom we both know coming to visit her.

That’s lovely. The thing is, some of them are now wanting to visit me as well.

I am somewhat reclusive and do not want to have guests. Plus, I have lived in my apartment for a thousand years and it is really cluttered. I am not ready for prime time.

What can I say to people who now want to drop by when I am definitely not going to open the door?

No Entry

DEAR NO ENTRY: You do not have to welcome people into your home if you are uncomfortable or uninterested in doing so. You don’t really have to say anything. When you see these people in the hallway or the elevator or wherever, just greet them warmly. If they ask to stop by to visit, politely decline.

Beyond that, though, you may want to seek out help to dig out of your thousand years of clutter. If the state of your home is causing you to keep people away, that may be a sign that you could use help in excavating your home and creating a more welcoming life for yourself. Many services exist that can support you to clear out your physical space and psychologically help you begin to think differently about how you live.

The Mayo Clinic suggests that cognitive behavioral therapy can help people who hoard to start making healthier decisions about the way that they live and what they choose to keep and discard.

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