DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to college orientation with my son, and he ran into a few students from his high school. He immediately began to talk to them, and at the same time, he completely ignored me. He did not introduce me to them or anything.
When I asked him out of their earshot to introduce me, he told me it felt awkward because he knew the name of only one of the students. I explained to him that he could figure out a way around that by simply stating that I am his mother and saying my name, and maybe adding that he went to high school with these students — but saying nothing at all was rude.
He seemed flabbergasted by it. I’m dumbfounded now.
I have been teaching him manners his whole life. How could he think that it’s OK to ignore his mother when I’m standing right next to him? How do I remedy this?
Dissed Mom
DEAR DISSED MOM: Use this as an opportunity to teach your son how to manage uncomfortable situations — like when you are trying to socialize but you don’t remember somebody’s name.
Your son probably froze for a minute and didn’t know what to say. Of all people, he may have expected you to give him a break. You know he loves you and would never intentionally diss you. So he may have been equally surprised and uncomfortable that you were upset that he didn’t introduce you.
The bottom line here is that this is a learning opportunity. Talk to your son about introductions. In the best of worlds, you remember everyone’s names and make introductions all around. As you suggested, introducing his mom to the group and asking them to introduce themselves is another option. If you are with a group of people you just met, it is also perfectly OK to say that you don’t remember everyone’s name, so you invite them to introduce themselves.
Whether it’s your mom or somebody else, don’t leave one person in the cold, not being introduced simply because you forgot a name.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been giving my daughter an allowance for several years now. This summer, she will start her first job, and I think the allowance should end.
Now that she is earning her own money, it is time for her to learn to save it and spend what she earns rather than what I earn. I haven’t prepared her for this moment, though. I just know I’m tired of always giving, giving, giving.
How can I make this transition work so that she doesn’t feel like I am abandoning her financially as I teach her to pay for herself?
Time To Pay
DEAR TIME TO PAY: Consider easing her into it. Rather than simply cutting her off from her allowance, talk to her about how to treat her paycheck, putting a portion in savings, allotting a portion for bills and leaving another portion for fun. Help her to open a savings account if she doesn’t have one already.
With each paycheck, encourage her to allocate the money for each bucket before she starts spending.
Rather than immediately ending her allowance, encourage her to do the same with that money. Tell her you will continue to give her an allowance for a particular period of time if she agrees to allocate it based on a budget.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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