HELP! How do I know if I have had an orgasm?

HEY BESTIE: I’ve watched movies and heard all about orgasms, but I honestly have no clue if I am actually experiencing an orgasm. I am a 38-year-old woman and although sex feels great, how do I know if I am actually orgasmingif that’s even a word. What is meant to happen to my body physically when I orgasm?

As a sexologist and relationship therapist, one of the questions I get asked a lot is, “How do I know if it’s really an orgasm?” It’s an excellent question, and the answer may surprise you.

When you reach orgasm, your body goes through a series of changes, both physiological and psychological.

The first thing you might notice is an intense feeling of pleasure that radiates throughout your body. Your muscles tense up, and your heart rate and breathing quickens.

It’s also likely that you will feel a warm, tingling sensation in your genitals and surrounding area. Your body might experience what we call a ‘flush’ in that your chest becomes warm and your forehead might sweat.

As the climax continues, your body releases a flood of hormones: oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins are the most common.

Oxytocin, sometimes called the “love hormone,” is responsible for feelings of closeness and bonding, a perfect time to look into your partner’s eyes, if you are climaxing with a partner around.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, while endorphins are natural painkillers that can produce feelings of euphoria.

During an orgasm, your brain’s reward centre lights up like fireworks, flooding your body with a sense of wellbeing and pleasure – seriously how good is that?!?

At the same time, your pelvic floor muscles contract rhythmically, propelling semen (if you have a penis) or facilitating the release of cervical fluid (if you have a vulva).

The rhythmic contractions typically occur at a 0.7-second pulsing sensation that is completely out of your control.

This is where the pelvic muscles simply take over and contract.

After the orgasm, your body enters a state of relaxation, and you may feel sleepy or content, which can reduce the effects of stress and anxiety.

So yes, orgasms are good for your mental health!

There is also a small per cent of the population that might experience a burst of energy post-orgasm.

If your aim is to achieve an orgasm and it seems difficult to do so, one of the best approaches is to be relaxed and very comfortable with yourself and/or your partner.

Yes, you can achieve an orgasm on your own and it’s also super fun to achieve an orgasm with a partner.

Please do not put too much stress on yourself to achieve an orgasm. Stay in the moment and enjoy the experience.

Remember that people experience orgasms differently.

Some have multiple orgasms, while others may only experience one. The most important thing is to listen to your body and explore what feels good to you.

Reaching orgasm is a complex, multi-layered experience that involves your whole body, from your brain to your genitalia.

After all, understanding the physical and emotional changes that occur during orgasm can help you appreciate this amazing aspect of human sexuality and deepen your connection with yourself and others.

Your Bestie,

Amanda x

Amanda Lambros is a sexologist and relationship coach with almost two decades of experience who takes pride in her “no b-s” approach to solving your problems. She is also a certified speaking professional and has written several books on relationships, health and business which have sold more than 150,000 copies.

Do you have a question for Amanda? Email heybestie@wanews.com.au (don’t worry, we won’t publish your name!)