HEY BESTIE: My partner doesn’t shower daily, is it fair that I refuse sex?
The choices that you make as to whether you engage in sexual activity with someone are exactly that. . .your choice.
Regarding daily showering: some people shower on the daily (and even a few times a day), whereas other people shower every few days. Personal hygiene shifts with everyone.
Is there a known frequency for showering?
In 2021, Harvard Medical School published a study that found that approximately two-thirds of Americans shower daily. In Australia it’s over 80 per cent.
But in China, about half of people report bathing only twice a week.
If you have had a conversation with your partner and they still are not interested, there might be a larger issue at play here.
They found that the frequency of showering varies from country to country (warmer countries tend to shower more) and it is more about habit and societal norms than anything else.
Think about it this way: the more physically active a person is, or the more the body produces sweat because of working around high temperatures or even regularly sitting, the more they should bathe.
Why should we bathe?
Our bodies have bacteria and other irritants that can cause rashes, skin problems and a variety of medical issues.
Showering cleans the skin and removes the dead skin, bacteria and cleans the pores to allow the skin cells to function properly.
The warmest area on our bodies is the genital area and hence the ability to foster and grow bacteria more than any other place on the body.
If the genitals are not being washed properly, an unpleasant odour might be the first thing you notice but if this goes on longer, the unshowered person can begin to develop a buildup of smegma.
Smegma is a buildup of dead skin cells, oils, and other fluids around the genitalia and if not taken care of, can lead to painful side effects such as inflammation, redness, swelling and can even become painful to touch the genitals.
Be honest with your partner.
If you want them to shower prior to sexual activity, ask.
If you have had a conversation with your partner and they still are not interested, there might be a larger issue at play here.
Rather than simply being dirty or sweaty they may be depressed or have a mental health condition that is limiting them from showering.
If you have a concern about their hygiene patterns, ask how they’ve been feeling and what type of support they might need from you.
If, on the other hand, your partner simply refuses to shower, isn’t ideal at good hygiene and it’s open to hearing your perspective, you might have to have a conversation about the direction of your relationship.
After all, everyone deserves to enjoy their relationship as much as possible.
Your Bestie,
Amanda xx
Amanda Lambros is a sexologist and relationship coach with almost two decades of experience who takes pride in her “no b-s” approach to solving your problems. She is also a certified speaking professional and has written several books on relationships, health and business which have sold more than 150,000 copies.
Do you have a question for Amanda? Email [email protected] (don’t worry, we won’t publish your name!)
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