Hi, We Asked Experts to Explain Why “Boyfriend Air” Makes You Look Like You Haven’t Showered in Six Months

Unless you’re lucky enough to be dating a man exquisitely written by a woman, you’re probably no stranger to the navy sheets and paper-thin pillow that plague most single, adult male bedrooms. And hey! If a solitary pillow offers all the head-and-neck support they need, more power to ‘em. What sucks is when you start waking up on said pillow looking a little ahem, rougher than you did when you went to bed, featuring a fresh chin breakout that wasn’t there before and a pile of grease on the hair you washed less than 12 hours ago. The culprit? Boyfriend air.

The idea that sleeping or even spending extended time at a man’s house has a negative affect on your appearance is one TikTok users have been speculating over for months—to the tune of 58 million views, to be exact. “I’d wake up feeling like I’d not showered for WEEKS,” wrote one TikToker on a video that garnered over 481K likes. “I thought my shampoo had turned against me.” And while it’s definitely a thing, the reason(s) why it happens can vary. Is it your man’s poor hygiene, a different air quality, or just the fact you’re in a space that isn’t your own? Or maybe it’s something…else entirely?

We consulted experts to break down why you wake up feeling so icky after spending a night at your S.O.’s, and how to counteract “boyfriend air” before it rears its sweaty head.

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First: What Exactly *Is* Boyfriend Air?

Boyfriend air is the theory that sleeping at a boy’s house—be it your longtime partner or a new fling—can disrupt your looks. “I just recently started hearing the term ‘boyfriend air’ but the concept has been around forever,” says Elizabeth Lasswell, a licensed esthetician and owner of Pure Glo Spa. “[It’s] when your looks go to blah because you’re spending a lot of time around your S.O.”

While this can absolutely manifest as breakouts, lackluster skin, greasy hair, and smudged makeup, some users have even reported feeling grimy post-sleepover. “I remember taking a full-body shower [at my boyfriend’s apartment] and the next morning, waking up and being like, I feel so dirty,” said TikToker Taylor Donoghue.

This can be a result of multiple different factors, says Audrey Ford, a licensed esthetician at The Spa at Selenite in Charlotte, North Carolina. “Towels, unwashed sheets, pillowcases, also [the] likelihood of getting less sleep at places like this are all reasons why your skin may function little differently. Different water, detergents, pets, roommates, and so many other factors that you’re not used to [can be to blame].”

Can Boyfriend Air Attack Elsewhere?

The short answer? Yes. But even though dirty linens and air quality you’re not used to aren’t exclusive to your boyfriend’s place (say yes to men with purifiers, ladies and gents), what makes boyfriend air, well, boyfriend air is the incredibly close (read: sexy) contact you get with your mans at his place, which, hate to break it to you, also plays a role.

“As a relationship progresses, you’re naturally more likely to be in close proximity to one another—especially in the bedroom,” says Dr. Katherine Hall, a sleep psychologist at Happy Beds. “If you’re having more sex, you’re likely to end up with messy hair and your makeup smudged.”

Oh, and spoiler alert: Your hair produces more oils (and appears greasy) when it’s touched a lot—which is likely to happen if you’re sharing a bed or even lounging on the couch. “If you already have hair prone to becoming greasy easily, you might feel like you’re experiencing ‘boyfriend air’ quite a lot,” Hall says.

The average human also sweats up to 700 mL per night, which means between you and your boyf, that’s 1400 mL of sweat on the sheets in one sleep. “If you end up having sex with your partner and work up even more of a sweat, that’s naturally going to be even more sweat released, amongst other substances,” she adds. Yum!

An Irregular Skincare Routine Is Also to Blame.

No matter how dedicated you are to that 12-step skincare routine of yours, you’re probably not quite as diligent about it when sleeping elsewhere. You’ve probs got other things (????????) on the brain, not to mention the fact that maybe you didn’t pack your retinol and serums to go. “Mix that up with the fact that you’re probably using his face wash in the shower and coming into contact with his laundry detergent, or lack thereof…it’s just a recipe for disaster,” says Lasswell.

And even if you did pick your boyfriend out of a catalog and his bathroom shelf is stocked with Kiehl’s, it’s likely not the same as your own personal routine and what your skin has grown accustomed to, aka: your skincare products, your fragrance-free detergent, and your humidifier, Lasswell adds. “Plus, spending time with your boo often means a little wine, a little late night action…you’re literally putting yourself through the ringer and expecting to wake up looking like Beyoncé. It’s not gonna happen. You’re not only dry—you’re dehydrated, and dehydration exacerbates fine lines, wrinkles, and enlarged pores.”

The Good News? Your Relationship is Probs Solid.

“Many studies have shown that the more relaxed and comfortable you are with someone, the more your ‘love’ and ‘bonding’ hormones—otherwise known as oxytocin and dopamine—are released, especially when you’re cuddling with your partner,” Hall says, noting that this may make it harder for you to want to get out of bed and carry out your usual hygiene routine. You’re in a love bubble—who could blame you?!

The point? Maybe you skip a hair-wash day or forget to scrub off your winged liner from the night before. If you don’t feel gross, it’s NBD. Plus, your boyfriend DGAF about that pimple on your cheek. He’s just thrilled you’re in his bed.

Ok But, Real Talk: Can You Combat Boyfriend Air?

Yes! Even if you’re not quite sure what the culprit to your boyfriend air dilemma is, there are steps you can take to ensure you don’t feel grimy every time you hang out at his place. Ford suggests doing your entire skincare routine from home before heading over, or better yet, focus on exfoliation or a mask for a deeper treatment. You should also stick with your own products as best as you can—bring along a skincare bag and maybe even your own pillowcase if that’s a concern. (Ford recommends a silk pillowcase as a lifesaver for skin!)

“Even if you don’t have the chance to do your full routine, even removing makeup in the morning and applying SPF for the drive home are easier ways [to counteract boyfriend air] if you don’t have your own products or you don’t have a bag big enough to put all your skincare,” Ford says.

You can also casually bring it up to your boyfriend—in the nicest way possible. A simple, “Hey, just wondering…how often do you wash your sheets?” could tell you everything you need to know. And if his space is generally pretty clean to the naked eye, and he does laundry on the reg, then maybe it’s not a them-problem. Maybe it’s just a this-isn’t-your-usual-air problem, and that’s no one’s fault! Troubleshoot with the different ideas above until you find an on-the-go hygiene routine that works for you.

And remember: Even though there’s no shame in wanting to look your best around the person you’re getting freaky with, they should still be obsessed with you no matter what. And like—dare I say it—great sex and quality time with someone you’re super into might just be…worth it? On the other hand, it’s also extremely understandable to want to feel clean and fresh as often as humanly possible, so just thank your lucky stars there are ways to beat boyfriend air for good—at least until you swindle them into going dutch on your dream digs.

Freelance Writer

Megan Schaltegger is an NYC-based writer. She loves strong coffee, eating her way through the Manhattan food scene, and her dog, Murray. She promises not to talk about herself in third person IRL.