‘How I caught America’s most prolific serial killer’

What was your biggest worry in working with the police? Were you scared?

“I was scared shitless. It was terrifying going in, especially when they wired me up, saw my scar of a recent pacemaker implantation and the detective said ‘no, we can’t put this wire on you.’ I said, ‘Yes you can. I’m a cardiac nurse, I know I’ll be ok.’ He went to his colleague and they talked about shutting this down, so I had to talk them into it. The truth is I didn’t know how this would affect my heart, but I knew I needed to go in there and get that confession. I was determined maybe, not brave.”

When was the last time you saw him and how did that feel?

“When he found out that I had been working for the New Jersey Crown Prosecution that was the last time he answered my letters. Up until then, I saw him in prison maybe dozens of times. I really wanted to know if I had harmed someone accidentally and I wanted answers and closure. I think I wanted to be in denial that he was a mercy killer, I wanted to make certain that whoever my friend Charlie was that he was no longer there. I didn’t get the answers I wanted, but I was able to see how charismatic he was and how easy it was to be drawn in. It was a process of being able to forgive myself for not seeing it. 

I knew that monster needed to be behind bars, but I was also putting my friend Charlie behind bars. I struggled with that. Also, the guilt of knowing that my patient had been harmed – people who I was supposed to protect had been harmed in my care. It was another reason I wanted to be part of this, so that I could shine a light on those victims because so many people believe he was a mercy killer and we have white washed people into thinking that his victims were already too sick to survive. People thought that because there were no blood and guts that it wasn’t monstrous, but the medication that Charles Cullen used were terrifying and paralytic so he could take them off their sedation, wake them up, give them a paralytic and watch them struggle to breathe. They couldn’t even call out for help.”

What have you learnt about people’s propensity for good and bad?

“People are complicated. We have all loved someone dark, someone who has the capability to do monstrous things. I think everyone who watches this movie will be able to see that in themselves. It doesn’t mean we don’t hold them accountable or set boundaries for ourselves, but we can forgive ourselves for loving dark people.”

In what way has this experience changed you?

“I went on an intense spiritual quest after all this because I wanted to believe he was a mercy killer and I wanted to understand why I loved someone so dark. I found that answer and, the fact is, I see the light in people. I can look beyond someone’s darkness and see the light. It does not mean that I don’t hold them accountable, it means I have a gift rather than a curse. The journey to peace is a daily journey. Peace can be a choice and I’m grateful for the experience because I never would have learnt so much about myself without Charles Cullen. I am grateful for what I had in that friendship because he saved my life. I am still here with my daughters because of him. There was divine intervention involved.”

The Good Nurse is out in selected cinemas from 19 October and available to watch on Netflix from 29 October.