How M&Ms Became A Mascot Of The Culture War, Explained

Did you hear? The M&Ms “spokescandies” have been canceled for being too “polarizing,” and have now been replaced by the comedian Maya Rudolph.

Does any of this make sense?

This is the world we live in now, where the culture war has permeated every single surface, from “non-binary” Mr. Potato Head to “woke” Scooby-Doo, and feverish claims that the Purple M&M might be obese. We’re witnessing mass brain rot, on an unprecedented scale; how did it come to this?

Inclusive M&Ms

About a year ago, Mars Wrigley rebooted its cast of “spokescandies” to reflect a more inclusive, diverse world, a change that absolutely no one asked for, and inspired a wave of mockery, memes, and feigned outrage on Fox News.

Green M&M replaced her high-heeled boots with sneakers, and orange was diagnosed with “anxiety,” for some reason.

Calls for diverse representation in film and television were never intended to spill over into the realm of sentient candy; a cynic might say that the M&Ms marketing department were hoping to spark outrage, that sparking a conversation about “wokeness gone mad” makes for a cheap, loud marketing campaign, guaranteed to ignite a chain reaction across the political spectrum.

The change even sparked conspiracy theories that Mars was hoping to distract the public from a child labor lawsuit.

Regardless of the intention, M&Ms became “woke,” and thus, hot content for the culture war. Tucker Carlson has now dedicated a significant amount of time on his show to the candies, complaining about the Green M&M swapping boots for sneakers, and even speculating on her sexuality.

Grown adults watch Carlson’s show, so they can know what they’re supposed to get mad at, and “woke M&Ms” are, apparently, important enough to have an opinion on.

Carlson ranted, in a soundbite that instantly went viral, that “M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous, until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them.”

Recently, Carlson struck gold again, after his second rant about woke M&Ms became a popular audio meme on TikTok, in which Carlson says, straight-faced: “Woke M&M’s have returned. The green M&M got her boots back, but apparently is now a lesbian maybe? And there is also a plus-sized, obese, purple M&M.”

TikTok creators are lip-syncing the quote, not bothering to add their own spin, because why bother? It’s already pitch-perfect comedy.

Ben Shapiro also spent time on his show complaining about the “woke M&Ms,” and repeatedly compared them to transgender women, which is not mentioned in the marketing campaign, but is clearly a topic that Shapiro spends a great deal of time thinking about.

Of course, offline, in the real world, nobody cares if M&Ms are non-binary, obese, or whatever; the revolution will not be sparked by sugar consumption, and buying candy is not a political act.

And yet, Mars Wrigley has retired their inclusive “spokescandies,” citing controversy, and sparking more Twitter commentary.

It might all be a big build-up to the next stage of their marketing campaign, like the time Mr. Peanut “died.”

Newly crowned M&Ms spokesperson Maya Rudolph seems excited about her new role, stating: “I am a lifelong lover of the candy and I feel like it’s such an honor to be asked to be part of such a legendary brand’s campaign.”

Rudolph should prepare herself, because Tucker Carlson seems likely to dedicate a segment of his next show to her shoes.