How Self-Love Gave Melissa Etheridge The Tools She Needed To Thrive

This week Melissa Etheridge debuts her solo show, Melissa Etheridge: My Window – A Journey Through Life at New World Stages in New York City. The Grammy and Oscar-winning rock music icon weaves together her love of songs, music and storytelling as she shares her trailblazing path—her triumphs, her travails and everything in between.

The intimate show has been percolating within Etheridge for years. “The truth is, my whole life inspired this project,” shares the raspy-voiced singer, songwriter and musician. “This has been something that I have been thinking about… well, all my life. Also, my director, Amy Tinkham, is brilliant at bringing different types of media together to augment my storytelling and singing.”

From the time she was a small child living in Leavenworth, Kansas Etheridge knew that singing and songwriting was a key part of her path. “One of my first memories was when I was three or four-years-old and one of the neighborhood kids had me hold their transistor radio,” recalls Etheridge. “I remember hearing, “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” and thinking, What is this? These are angels singing.” While her parents weren’t musicians, they loved music. The soundtrack in their home included Simon and Garfunkel and Aretha Franklin. “These artists made me want to participate in that kind of art,” she says.

When she was eight, Etheridge got her first guitar and began composing her own songs. “I learned to play guitar and once I heard three chords, I thought, wait a minute, that’s a song. And I started making up really simple things. It was fun making them rhyme,” says Etheridge. She recalls one of first songs she wrote, “It was after my grandmother died and I named it “Lonely As A Child.” So, it was very folky and sad.”

From there Etheridge never stopped writing. “I would write things that I didn’t know about at 13 or 14-years-old, and mimic songs I loved,” she shares. “Then, when I became a young adult, I started writing about what I felt and was going through. I always tell stories about my life through my songs.”

Etheridge discovered that when she could reveal her true self, she would flourish. “As a girl from Kansas, I had this crazy dream to be a rockstar, in an era where there was just a handful of women rock stars and certainly not from Kansas,” she explains. “When I was open and honest about myself, the more the more things opened up for me. And the more strength I got.”

A big piece of that was coming out publicly as a lesbian at the Triangle Ball, an LGBTQ-focused event in 1993, celebrating President Bill Clinton’s inauguration. “I’m proud to say right now, I’m proud to have been a lesbian all my life,” Etheridge told the crowd with KD Lang jumping and cheering beside her.

As Etheridge explains she didn’t know she was going to come out at that moment. “I surprised myself, but I was mostly inspired by the people that I knew some powerful LGBTQ leaders like Urvashi Vaid and Kate Clinton. These great men and women were really in the trenches fighting for our rights and fighting to be heard,” shares Etheridge. “I thought, if they can do that, then at the very least I can tell people I’m gay. That’s something I can do. I learned that was a huge form of activism just doing that.”

That sense of living your truth is something Etheridge hopes to impart to the next generation. “Being your 100% true self and loving yourself is the best thing you can do for the world. Because when you are fully in your own power and OK with yourself, and you don’t need other people to be okay with you,” she says. “If you hold your power and love for yourself, then you will attract those who are also holding that power. Then that strength and power grows and opposition to it must fade. It goes away because it can’t survive in that love.”

Etheridge credits life experience to help her on her journey to discover her own self-love. “I was looking for it in the wrong places. When I was trying to get someone else to fill up my deep dark holes and make me feel better about myself, those people will ultimately let you down. They have to take care of themselves.” Shares Etheridge who is joyfully married to showrunner, producer and writer Linda Wallem-Etheridge (Nurse Jackie, That ‘70s Show). “I kept finding myself in hurt positions and realized I have to love myself before anybody else can love me. And that has worked very well for me in the last 14 years.”

As she embarks on her solo show Etheridge hopes people come away not only with a deeper understanding of who she is, but seek their own inner magic. “I hope people leave with a sense of wonder. We are all on our own separate journeys, but each of us has a power inside and choice to make their journey what they want it to be,” she says. “I hope people can look at my journey and have the inspiration to find that power inside themselves.”