How unspoken expectations can affect a relationship: Psychologist explains

In relationships, we often carry our past traumas and unresolved issues. This creates false expectations in us that our partners will always be there to untangle the knots that we have in our minds. This creates resentment, confusion and misunderstanding. We are often not able to clarify in clear words that needs and the wants we have from our partners. This makes our partners also confused.

These kinds of situations often lead to conflicts and separation. However, if we are careful and know how to deal with it, we may be able to save the relationship, and even better, create a safe space for us and our partners to thrive emotionally – together and individually.

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Psychologist Nicole LePera addressed the issue of unspoken expectations that we often have in a relationship and how this can affect the relationship adversely.

Upbringing: Often a lot of us are brought up in homes where we were not able to communicate the expectations we have. We have also been subjected to humiliation and abandonment. Hence, we did not learn to communicate our needs.

Expectations: Hence, a coping mechanism in us continues to grow that we try to treat and give our partners the things that we want in return. This creates expectations in us from our partners.

Loved and cared for: We follow a pattern of loving and caring for our partners in a way that we would like to be taken care of.

Disappointment: Since we already have a set of rules and expectations in mind in the way we would like to be treated, when our partners don’t reciprocate the way in the similar way, we feel disappointment and resentment towards them.

Unfair: This creates confusion in our partners since our expectations have not been communicated to them in words. This is unfair for our partners and also us.

Authentic emotional connection: Many of us have been raised in homes where we were not taught to communicate our needs. Hence, this may be difficult to do – but we need to sit down with our partners and communicate to them the needs and wants we have. This will help us further to have an authentic emotional connection.