I said ‘yes’ to everything for a year – here’s why I can’t wait to say NO

“Sure, why not? I’d love to meet Nick for a drink,” I purr enthusiastically down the phone. This is what happens when you make ‘saying yes to everything’ your mantra – suddenly, every well-meaning friend offers to set you up on a blind date. 

The old pre-2022 me would have baulked at the idea of going on a date with someone I hadn’t met yet, let alone open myself up to the possibility of a relationship with someone who had the same first name as my ex (the Mr Big in my relationship history and the itch I kept going back to scratch).

The new me, however, throws herself into the hair, makeup and wardrobe prep with the same gusto as a giddy teen in Freshers’ Week. The only difference is, rather than dancing drunkenly under a glitter ball, the night ends with a polite peck on the cheek at a drizzly bus stop.

I had a nice time, but the fact that he turned up in a coat with what looked like a dead dog sewn into the hood was an immediate turn-off, as was how he kept chewing on his toothpick. I’m unsure if he was trying to prove his masculinity or if he had great oral hygiene. But I hadn’t said no to the date, which was the main thing. 

Last New Year’s Eve, I surprised myself by deciding to live the next 12 months by the rule of ‘yes’. I’ve always seen myself as a positive person, but for the first time, it dawned on me that I allowed a lack of self-confidence and impulsiveness to hold me back. All too often, I’d mull things over, dissecting every nuance or outcome with forensic precision, only to find that the opportunity had long since fizzled away.

In some ways, my need to play it safe is understandable.  I’d started 2021 emotionally battered and bruised. My father had died of cancer a few weeks before Christmas and then, only months later, my mother was diagnosed with stage four cancer. 

These two painful bookmarks in my life had changed me. As cliched as it sounds, I had lost a part of myself. The funny girl who wouldn’t think twice about dancing on tables at 2am had been replaced by a more subdued, scared bystander who’d already pre-booked her Uber home for 10pm. 

Yet I have this sudden impulse to do something I’m terrified of, to step outside my comfort zone and dance into the brightest lights I can see. Rather than say ‘no’ when a friend asks me to come for dinner and drinks mid-week, I have no choice but to say ‘yes’, even though it’s the third night out on the trot. When the beauty director of GLAMOUR phones to ask if I’d like to do a year’s maternity cover on the team, I have no hesitation.  

Undeniably, there’s power behind the word ‘yes’. “Saying yes fundamentally opens up opportunity,” says Jordan Vyas-Lee, psychotherapist at mental health care clinic Kove. “It also works on a psycho-biological level,” he adds. “By switching the brain in to a positive mode, it orients our cognitive and emotional systems to an outward looking state of readiness. Growth is a fundamental aspect of human happiness and, without it, we eventually tend to feel apathetic. Saying yes allows you to feel like you’re advancing rather than staying stagnant for too long.”

Rather than shut down a conversation with the word ‘no’, positive affirmations also challenge our (often faulty) belief that we’re not good enough or that we can’t cope, says Jordan. “I can’t reinforce how powerful the effect is, nor in how many instances people surprise themselves with their innate skills and coping strategies when faced with situations that might otherwise have been avoided.”