Inner Realm: The how of forgiveness and freedom

Forgiveness is often narrated as a great virtue and also as a refuge for the weak. I once met a woman at a seminar who had been the unfortunate subject of domestic abuse. She told me that her husband had been very cruel to her, and filed false cases against her. However, she had “forgiven” him and hadn’t retaliated. She lamented that he still continued to trouble her and that she lived in perpetual fear and trauma.

Her situation isn’t uncommon and represents, in part, a fundamental issue in the interpretation of the word forgiveness — which does not imply forgetting or not-defending oneself. In this case, the ongoing atrocities committed by her husband will not end if the woman forgets his deeds. She has the right to self-defence, even as per spiritual principles!

While forgiving others is essential for spiritual growth, yet tolerating tyranny is not it!

Unforgiveness happens when you keep on experiencing the hurt someone has given to you, over and over. However damaging the experience, the fact that you relive it every day isn’t good for you. After all, it is essentially a thought and a feeling that you carry around.

It is understood that many hurtful experiences cannot be wished away. The trauma is deep. And yet, the thoughts of resentment, anger, and hatred are slow, debilitating energies that work to disempower you. They should have no right to any space in your head. If you could release them, you would know peace.

Forgiveness, especially after deep trauma, is difficult. The following steps can be of great help towards forging forgiveness in yourself.

Firstly, do not absolutely disremember the deeds of the perpetuator. This will ensure that in the future you do not provide an opportunity to that person for an encore. Fortify yourself emotionally, physically and in other ways so as to provide a deterrent.

Move on. Your past does not exist anymore. One of the great reasons why we do not remember our past lives is so that we can let go of the baggage of ages.

Affirm, make a fresh agreement with yourself that whatever the circumstance, you will always be connected to the infinite divinity inside of you. If you do this, you will allow a certain degree of harmony to proliferate.

Your new agreement and state of letting-go will begin to radiate a higher energy of love and light. Wherever you go, others will experience the glow of your super-consciousness.

Every night, just before you sleep, adamantly reiterate your positive affirmations: I am content, I am love, and I attract only perfection. Do not sleep with feelings of anger, regret or discontent. Your slumber does in part mull over your last waking concept of yourself subconsciously.

Neville Goddard says, “In sleep a man impresses the subconscious mind with his conception of himself.”

Assume responsibility and control of your life. Even though you are convinced that your life events were the handiwork of someone else, neither blame that person nor yourself. By doing so, you will at once capture the tide of fate in your hands.

Taking responsibility removes you from the “victim” category and places you at par with those in the sphere of self realisation.

Always know that every soul carries in its depth, trauma and hurt. It has to let them go through forgiveness to climb atop the hill of awakening.

A well-known Chinese proverb goes, “If you’re going to pursue revenge, you’d better dig two graves.”

Whereas we have a right to self-defence, however, never let revenge consume you.

We are all indelibly connected to each other and cannot hurt another without a finger pointing towards ourselves. Regardless of how right and moral my human self convinces me it is, criticism is a certain step away from light and into darkness.

Finally, picture yourself for two minutes every day that every dispute of your ends now and that you are sending love and forgiveness.

Watch your life change as you enter into true divine love in deep surrender.

(The author is the former principal chief commissioner Income Tax. Views expressed are the author’s own.)