Inside a new all-inclusive resort in Majorca that ‘feels like staying on a gigantic cruise ship’

Opening two huge resorts in the same week shows some chutzpah. But, then, Ikos, the Greek-owned all-inclusive specialist, is on a roll.

The latest offerings are in Corfu and here in the south-east of Majorca overlooking Porto Petro. They bring the total to seven – five in Greece, two in Spain – all similar in format: expansive, expensive and determinedly family-friendly. Indeed, if you don’t have children or grandchildren in tow you might want to look elsewhere.

This 319-room jumbo is as tasteful as possible in such an overbuilt space, occupying a series of buildings around three headlands, with two coves that are perfect for swimming. It used to be the Blau hotel and before that a Club Med.

There are seven pools (while some suites have their own), five restaurants, spa, adventure playground, with tennis courts and a gym under construction. 

It feels like staying on a gigantic cruise ship, albeit one with electric buggies ferrying passengers hither and thither.

Luxurious: Mark Palmer checked into Ikos Porto Petro, a new all-inclusive resort in Majorca

Mark describes Ikos resorts as ‘expansive, expensive and determinedly family-friendly’

All-inclusive means all-inclusive at Ikos. Pay up front and that’s it: wines and spirits, mini bar (replenished daily), room service, ice cream on tap, entertainment (live music, parrot shows et al). Drink Taittinger all day if you want. You even get free use of a Tesla if you’re inclined to leave the compound (but perhaps not on the same day as drinking the champers).

Some 80 per cent of guests are British. Rooms are almost identical, with muted colours and plush balconies. The only differences are size and position.

The depressingly named Food Hall is popular with families, offering a breakfast, lunch and dinner buffet, with food from around the world: pizza and pasta, Nikkei Corner, tandoori, Spanish asado, salad bar.

‘This 319-room jumbo is as tasteful as possible in such an overbuilt space, occupying a series of buildings around three headlands, with two coves that are perfect for swimming,’ says Mark

Guests can drink Taittinger all day if they want and they even get free use of a Tesla if they’re inclined to leave the compound 

Given that it’s all-inclusive, I’m surprised that prices are printed on the menus, but a member of staff says it’s because non-residents sometimes book tables.

One clever Ikos trademark is that it has two ‘dine out’ restaurants in villages nearby, included in your package, but I get the impression that most people never leave the place.

‘Ikos suits us perfectly,’ says a young father from Bristol loitering at the cheese station. ‘We know the price and then there are no surprises. Our kids love it, and if you tot everything up it’s value for money.’

Keep it wheel: ‘If you don’t have children or grandchildren in tow you might want to look elsewhere,’ says Mark (not pictured)

We make use of the Tesla. Never driven one before, with its photo-recognition key and plenty of gizmos. And I like the juxtaposition of turning up in it at the 16th Century church of St Miquel in Felanitx. What a beauty (the church that is).

Pop a euro into a machine and some recently revealed frescoes on the ceiling of a side chapel light up.

Back at Ikos, you don’t have to pop a euro anywhere. All-inclusives are thought to be thriving as the cost-of-living cuts into budgets. This one certainly is, and it’s only been open a week.