Jonah Hill has been accused of using ‘therapy speak’ to manipulate a partner

Sarah captioned the screenshot: “This is a warning to all girls. If your partner is talking to you like this, make an exit plan. Love y’all! Call me if you need an ear.”

Jonah Hill has since been criticised for using “therapy speak” such as the phrase “boundaries” so that Sarah felt like she should act in a way that suited him, but didn’t necessarily suit her, arguably edging dangerously towards coercive control.

So how do we navigate the dating world, and our own relationships, with the concern that this jargon may be used against us in the back of our minds?

First of all, use of “therapy speak” or language used in therapy when communicating your needs in relationships can be a good thing – when it’s done right. “’Therapy speak’ techniques, such as ‘I’ statements and paraphrasing, can encourage respectful and open dialogue, allowing both partners to express their needs and concerns without either one becoming defensive,” relationship expert Sarah Alderson tells GLAMOUR.

“It can be quite an effective tool to communicate clearly yet sensitively how you are feeling, offering you a framework to set boundaries,” Bumble’s sex and relationship expert, Dr Caroline adds.

However, these terms can also be used to skewer the power dynamic between two people, particularly if they’re used to try and change a partner’s behaviour. “’Therapy speak’ can create a dynamic where one partner tries to assert superiority over the other,” Sarah explains. “Some people use ‘therapy speak’ to be manipulative and intimidate their partner by making themselves seem like an expert. It can be a way of one person trying to gain control and the other can feel like they are being lectured.”

Ali Ross, psychotherapist and spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) advises digging a little deeper if and when a partner establishes a “boundary” that sets off alarm bells.

“If someone articulates a ‘boundary’ in a relationship I’d encourage their partner to be curious about it, and be open to the possibility of challenging their partner about it,” he says, offering two reasons a “boundary” might be applied, and the importance of trying to discern which one your partner might have. “Consider if the boundary is offered as a way to better understand them or as a way to shut down understanding.”

He explains how using therapy “jargon” can be “detrimental” to a relationship dynamic, due to the likelihood of “miswielding” such terms, stressing the subtlety of such language and the meanings they carry.

“People can use therapy jargon to hide and be less vulnerable and this can be detrimental to relationships. Using therapy terms in a relationship is problematic too as it’s a relationship, not therapy,” he says. “The likelihood of miswielding terms is high. Ultimately, it’s a very subtle and delicate situation and the jargon is often used clumsily and unequivocally, resulting in a bunch of assumptions and misunderstandings.”

Dr Caroline advises that using “therapy speak” that isn’t relatable to you and your relationship an create a “detached” dynamic, or could alienate your partner and “or make them feel that you’re dehumanising their personal experience”.

She adds: “Pushing back against emotions and experiences with targeted terminology can hinder intimate connection.”

So when it comes to the politics of using “therapy speak” in your relationship, there’s a lot to consider, whichever side of the language you’re on. As Sarah advises, speaking to your partner from a place of respect and authenticity should be the ultimate goal – not the language used or power dynamic established.

GLAMOUR has contacted a rep for Jonah Hill and is awaiting comment.