Kshama Bindu marries herself; relationship expert on pros and cons of sologamy

Gujarat’s Kshama Bindu, 24, married herself on Wednesday in what is perhaps India’s first sologamy or self-marriage, but not as she had planned before. A controversy erupted after Kshama announced her plans to marry herself and a BJP leader said Hinduism doesn’t permit such marriages and that the young woman shouldn’t be allowed to marry in a temple. Undeterred by the row, Kshama went ahead with the wedding ceremony solemnised at her home, complete with haldi and mehendi rituals, sans priest. She had earlier planned to tie the knot on June 11, but married ahead of schedule, anticipating controversy. Meanwhile Kshama thanked all her fans and followers for their support in a video message. “I love you all. I can’t describe it in words you have been so kind to me with all the trolls happening taking my side. I have tears of joy reading your messages and stories and I am so excited for my wedding day,” she said. (Also read: Kshama Bindu gets married to self in ‘1st sologamy in India’, steers clear of row)

What is sologamy

Sologamy is when a person marries oneself. While more and more people are choosing themselves over a life partner across the world, the trend has just reached India with Kshama’s self-marriage.

Taking self love to another level, proponents of sologamy says it’s liberating to be married to oneself.

“Sologamy refers to a person who is going to marry and spend the rest of their lives with themselves. We have seen instances of it in the TV series Sex and the City where Carrie Bradshaw marries herself. Contrary to popular belief, this relationship is not isolating or lonesome but according to accounts, it is liberating; from the ties that people expect them to be bound to, an expanded sense of self is realized, says Bhoomeeka Jain, Psychologist and relationship expert, founder The Desi Therapist, in an interview with HT Digital.

Is sologamy a fad or an upcoming trend?

“Calling Sologamy a fad may be wrong in many ways. It’s a new way of looking at self-love and individualism or the modified sense of companionship. Perhaps it creates a feeling of contentment and pure, unconditional happiness, and helps one heal and recover from some past experiences,” says Jain.

Priya Rajendran, mom influencer and a blogger says sologamy looks like a fad but may become a concept thanks to the fad.

“I would say to “each their own”. But for me, it looks like a meaningless expenditure and a double-speak because on one hand, you claim you are against traditions but want to do those same rituals too. A kind of hypocrisy and even a social media publicity stunt!” says Priya.

What are the kind of people who are more likely to go for sologamy?

Jain says people who are independent and do not feel the need for any emotional support from others could go for it.

“If we look deeper, attachment styles like avoidant/dismissive styles can account for people who don’t believe they need someone to feel whole. They are independent and feel they are “enough” for themselves. People in a secure attachment type are those in a healthy relationship with themselves. They are not afraid to be alone and don’t believe that being alone is the same as loneliness. They are very emotionally strong beings,” says the relationship expert.

Drawbacks of sologamy

Jain says that one is at risk of becoming so independent that the need for social interaction may be reduced significantly. The psychologist says it can get lonely for some – not in a bad hopeless way – but in a way where one may start to exhibit narcissistic tendencies.

“But overall, if saying ‘yes’ to oneself makes someone happy or ‘complete’, then why not support them on this journey as we would do for anyone else? The answer is the fear of change. It’s almost like going against society and what’s seen as normal and that is something we need to work on,” concludes Bhoomeeka Jain.

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