Love it or leave it: When swiping gets taxing

A study published in a media outlet last month found that 45% of current or previous users of dating apps reported feeling frustrated. Delhi-based professional Shaunak Ghosh, had a similar experience when he decided to give these apps a try after going through a bad break up in 2020. “I met a lot of people through these apps, but most of the women I met were not looking for anything serious, unlike me,” says the 28-year-old, who was seeking something meaningful. “So at that time, I used these apps just for casual dating. But, being casually involved with strangers constantly had become taxing after a point. I missed companionship,” he tells us.

Ghosh is not alone; his story is the story of many young adults, be it millennial or GenZ, who find dating apps exhausting. The reasons vary from being unable to forge connections and swiping constantly without any positive outcome, to endless conversations not resulting in in-person dates. According to a 2020 research by LendEDU, 3,852 millennials were asked if they had physically met someone they found on a popular dating app. Just 29.2% of the users answered yes, compared to 70.8% who said they haven’t.

“These apps take a lot from you, challenging your privacy and vulnerability as well. I have uninstalled them many times. There are also way too many fake profiles online, which makes it even more challenging to navigate,” says Delhi-based Aflah Ul Haque, a 30-year-old media professional.

There can be several psychological reasons behind the exhaustion or frustration users experience. “Fatigue can set in when we are not transparent and honest about our reason for being on the app. Also, if we are using a dating app as a desperate space to connect with someone emotionally or physically, it is likely that we will start feeling fatigued sooner than later. The more desperate we are, the sooner fatigue will set in,” says wellness facilitator Shaira Chaudhry.

For 31-year-old lawyer Salonee, it’s her hectic work schedule that often acts as a barrier. “For many, the mere act of meeting new people can be hectic. Often, the availability and time span to chat online is mismatched and scattered. It’s also hard to assess someone’s personality or understand their emotional state from behind the [phone] screen,” she says.

According to Statisa.com, India is the second-largest revenue market for dating apps, after the US. But, this fatigue is making people explore other avenues rather than simply swiping right or left. “One might prefer attending single mixers or meet-ups, often set up by these dating apps, to physically meet people and take the conversations offline,” says Salonee.

Ghosh adds, “I got so exhausted that I told my mother to introduce me to someone. Now, that woman is my wife. So, you can say that my way of getting out of this tiring cycle was asking my parents for an arranged marriage (laughs) !”

Here’s how dating app users can fight the fatigue, shares Chaudhry:

• Be clear about why you’re on the app and be honest with the people you meet.

• Clarity of thought will make you perceptive enough to filter out those who do not align with your values, and you can only meet those who do.

• Don’t get frustrated if things don’t seem to work out after meeting a few people. Always keep your focus on building your inner self.

• Stop comparing yourself to others who happen to experience ‘success’ on these apps. Be true to yourself. In due course of time, you will meet the right person too.

• Most importantly, have fun along the way! Even if things don’t work out with someone, you can still choose to make the moments you spend with them fun.