Millennial Mom’s Review: The 2022 Genesis GV80 is fierce enough for a drag queen

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Dear Priyanka,

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I was going to send you a long message on WhatsApp about the reasons I think you’ll love the 2022 Genesis GV80, but I thought this specific topic would be best conveyed online — where other readers can judge it, as well. Plus, I didn’t want to be left on “read” — I know, I know, you’re a busy word-that-rhymes-with-witch. 

I’ve decided to snatch this opportunity to come through and tell you about my taste test with the GV80 and why I think you’ll be turning heads in this three-row SUV (see what I did there?). 

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From the second you enter the GV80, the most serene little tune plays. It’s almost like a little theme song getting you ready for a most enjoyable drive. You can even smell the luxury; the kids weren’t too pleased with the scent of the quilted leather seats, but I’m sure you can appreciate the premium aroma. Once you lock in the seat belt, it gives you a quick hug to secure you — as it should for $86,000.

And whether it’s you or your chauffeur driving, the driver’s seat is luxuriously spacious and comfy. I don’t have long legs and therefore don’t have this issue, but your brother noticed the padding on the sides of the centre console; most vehicles don’t have that, but he really appreciated his knee having somewhere soft to rest. And whether you’re booking it to a rehearsal or jetting off to the airport, the GV80 provides a really smooth drive, as well as a really eager pickup; seriously, it’s always ready to go — just like you. 

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When it comes to the digital gauge cluster, I’m not a huge fan of the 3D graphics as I was seeing a slight blur on the fuel gauge. It feels like I need those special movie theatre glasses, or maybe as though I need to get my eyes checked. I love that the GV80 gets in-cluster side camera pop-ups when you signal left and right, just like its non-luxury counterparts. 

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There’s an interesting dial and trackpad in the centre console; it may not be the best design, but it’s certainly not the worst. I suspect you’ll get used to it in time. Plus, there’s a touchscreen that’s fairly simple to use and has big, bold options to take you right where you need to go. It’s also super sensitive, which isn’t a bad thing — it’s still easy to use if you have long nails. 

No tea, no shade, but I do have a few griping issues with the infotainment system. This current model year doesn’t offer wireless Apple CarPlay (not even in this tested top Prestige trim), and the speakers aren’t as great as the Harmon Kardon ones found in Hyundais. However, maybe this can be a peaceful and quiet time for you — you don’t get that a lot. If you do want to have a quiet dance party, there’s some cool ambient light colours, but I do wish there were more lights throughout the vehicle.

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You might be wondering why you’d need a three-row SUV — it seems like something a family of five (like mine) would want, right? Correct. I do really love the GV80 as a family hauler; that middle row bench seat was awesome and comfortably fit all three kids, including car seats. And yes, as with most three-rows, there’s isn’t a ton of legroom in the third row, but Kim (your cousin, not the Kardashian) fit back there perfectly fine. However, she had to crawl through the trunk because the car seats were tethered into the middle row, making it difficult to move the second-row seats. But that’s somewhat irrelevant, since you probably won’t be travelling often with your nieces and nephew and won’t require car seats. 

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Also, consider your growing drag family, your back-up dancers, your entourage, maybe even a pit crew — everyone will need a space to sit; a three-row just makes the most sense. (Sorry, George, but the Jeep just isn’t lavish enough.)

Remember your epic season two finale outfit? Of course you do, who doesn’t? Imagine how much space you’ll have and how simple it would be to travel with it (or any other outfits) in this SUV. And if needed, there’s a seat for up to seven wigs (one on your head), including space to double up in the third row — that’s legal for wigs, right? 

If you need a big open cargo space to rest something flat (think costumes, boxes of merchandise, maybe a stage prop that you’re selling because no one needs a full-size pony in the house) then you’ve got options. With the third row up, there’s limited space but the 50/50 folding third row seats can be automatically folded flat with the simple touch of a button in the trunk.

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Almost forgot to mention, you pretty much never have to worry about breaking a nail in this SUV! To open the trunk, there’s a simple button on the back, right below the windshield wiper, as opposed to hidden beneath a handle or something. And, if you happen to close a door a bit too lightly, don’t give it a second thought — just back up, the door automatically pulls itself shut (check out the video below). 

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Bold, beautiful, and eccentric are words that I’d use to describe both you and this GV80, though I’d opt for a brighter colour to match your personality — unless you’re trying not to be seen by all the fans. 

I’m not sure if you’ve hired a bodyguard yet, but there’s no need for one when you’re in the GV80. It comes equipped with safety features such as smart cruise control, highway driving assist, forward collision assist with pedestrian and cyclist detection (great for those congested Toronto roads), and even remote smart parking assist (parking in Toronto sucks). There’s also a surround view monitor — you’ll be able to see how many fans are running to you from each direction — and head-up display.

NRCan rates this SUV as having a combined fuel consumption of 11.8 L/100 km, meaning an average of $2,596/year for gas. But you travel so often, I’d imagine that number would be a lot less — can’t say the same for your flight costs. 

As a luxury SUV, yes, this vehicle ticks all the boxes needed for a family vehicle, but does it fit the needs of a rising superstar? Well, Queen of the North (sorry, not sorry, Brooke Lynn), that’s really up to you to decide. But if it were up to me, I’d say “2022 Genesis GV80, shantay, you stay.”

Happy pride!

Love,

Your favourite sister-in-law