DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning my wedding, but feel stuck on two points.
Point 1: How can I politely express to a vendor that I am no longer interested in their services? Do I need to give a reason, if I have been corresponding with them for some time?
The vendor in question has expressed a great deal of enthusiasm for those silly fluff activities common to weddings today, up to and (rather egregiously) including the “dollar dance.” She expressed to me that I need to plan a bunch of activities to keep the guests engaged, and that the dollar dance would be a great way to “make back” some of the money spent on the wedding.
I now feel worried that the music, food, alcohol and temperature-controlled premises will not be enough to convince my guests to stay through the reception, and I feel horrified that someone would suggest soliciting tips from my guests.
Point 2: In your opinion, are table visits during the reception ever a proper substitute for a receiving line?
GENTLE READER: Point 1: Presumably you have already expressed to this vendor your distaste for what she is proposing. If she is not listening, then you are well within your right to tell her that this is not a good fit.
No doubt, she has lots of money-grubbing couples who would seize an opportunity to legitimize their desire to make a profit off of their marriage. (And please, Gentle Readers, spare Miss Manners the “cultural traditions” excuse, which would force her to give her lecture about the less appealing — and less profitable — traditions that the same people always seem happy to omit.) Using your guests’ entertainment as an excuse for this dance, however, is a new one, even for Miss Manners.
Point 2: No. Plus, the receiving line has the added bonus of providing some amusement for your guests — who are evidently easily bored.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law and I have a good relationship — fairly uncomplicated, if a bit surface-level. I’ve been married to her son for 11 years, and he and I have been able to navigate most in-law issues well.
But there is one small quirk that has us stumped: If I’m seated, my MIL will often pat my head like you would a puppy.
She’s significantly shorter than I am, so it only happens if she walks up while I’m seated.
Here’s one particularly odd example: On the sidelines of my son’s soccer game, she walked over as I sat watching from my lawn chair, and she started to rub the top of my head. I have a hairstyle with bangs, and it was quite hot outside, so she just ended up mashing my sweaty bangs down on my forehead.
I am trying to think of a tactful way to avoid this, short of standing up every time she’s in my vicinity. It seems like such a small complaint in the grand scheme of things, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Do you have any suggestions?
GENTLE READER: Barking?
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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