DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 71-year-old woman with progressive multiple sclerosis. I retired from work, on disability, 30 years ago. Even so, I have a full life — I am deeply spiritual, artistic, sociable and creative. I’m a happy person.
For decades, I’ve been assisted by personal and household health care aides, as my MS has advanced in intensity and become more life-altering. Some of these people have been caring and committed; others, not so much.
A year ago, a younger (40-year-old) aide began working with me. She’s the best aide I’ve ever had — hardworking, a self-starter, responsible, friendly with a keen wit, fun to chat and spend time with. We really are now close friends.
But she has a mannerism that I cannot understand. She’s always using the phrase, “In my generation, we …” She applies it to almost every subject that arises — housework, manicures, child care, TV/movies, books, politics, you name it.
Do people her age often talk in this manner? Is this a put-down of my age? It’s a little annoying and hurtful.
GENTLE READER: Can you swear that you have never said, “Well, in my day …” as a prelude to denouncing some change?
People of all ages cherish the notion that the right way to do things is the way they learned to do them — whether in their own childhood or in some imaginary time when everything actually worked.
But Miss Manners is struck by the fact that your aide is approaching middle age. Surely she must encounter younger people, perhaps even her own children, who tell her that her generation’s ways are old-fashioned. It should be some comfort, then, to know that the generation she purports to represent is also subject to the same attitude from younger people under the same old delusion.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am friends with a couple whose bickering has steadily gotten worse, with the wife most often laying into the husband. She does this in front of me and also in public.
She seems to have no boundaries — making fun of her husband’s speech disability, repeatedly giving him the middle finger in restaurants, etc.
I told them both that the bickering makes me uncomfortable, but I doubt it will stop when I am present.
What they do privately is their business, and they assure me they are happy together and that neither party feels verbally abused. However, I am embarrassed by their behavior in public and uncomfortable hearing these hurtful verbal attacks.
How should I handle this? Should I see them only individually? Should I leave when the bickering begins?
GENTLE READER: The expression commonly used for the opposite type of behavior is “Get a room.” In this case, it sounds as if they should get a courtroom.
Not that you should involve yourself, even to the extent of commenting. Yes, you could depart, saying, “I’ll leave you to settle this in private.” Or you could see them separately. What Miss Manners fails to understand is why you would want to.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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