DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I regularly go out to dinner with a few other couples. The wives are fond of sharing their food with each other, trading bites. Often the husbands are asked to join in.
I simply do not like to participate in this. I feel my reasons are valid and nobody else’s business. However, when I decline, there are usually comments from the wives that appear to be designed to make me feel antisocial because of my decision.
Other than agreeing to share, ceasing to dine with these folks or ordering sheep’s brains, is there a way for me to handle this that might reduce, if not eliminate, these rude comments?
GENTLE READER: Has the pressure to share food come to this — that you can’t have a friendly dinner out without having to fight off predators?
You could say simply, “Please let me enjoy my meal.” But you know one of those wives well enough (and it would be difficult to avoid ever eating with her) that Miss Manners would expect her to protect you — perhaps by saying, “No, no, not the gentlemen; let’s just keep it among ourselves.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in retail and have dealt with all types of people.
Three years ago, I had cancer in my eye and had surgery to treat it. When I am tired — which happens when working retail hours in a dry, old building — the rim of my eye will turn red.
I am frustrated with the “no boundaries” type of customers, who often say to me, “Oh, your eye is so red!” or “What’s wrong with your eye?”
My eye is as good as it will be. Is it appropriate for me to say to these customers, “It is none of your concern and it is not contagious”? Or do you have other suggestions?
GENTLE READER: Suggestion No. 1 is that telling customers to mind their own business will not be good for your business. Miss Manners would consider “It is not contagious” to be quite enough.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to send out an announcement after my son’s small wedding? I want to let friends and family know. Should I provide an address for cards?
GENTLE READER: You are in luck, because there are traditional cards for just that purpose.
The formal announcement card is similar in wording to the wedding invitation, except that instead of saying the hosts “request the pleasure of your company,” it says they “announce the marriage of …”
You could put the couple’s address on the envelope. Or you could go all out and enclose what was once known as an “at home card.” This is a small visiting card with the couple’s names and address, and a date after which they would be visitable — presumably after the wedding tour.
Miss Manners must warn you that there will be people who see this as a bill, signifying that a present is due. But then there are a lot of people who now believe that any social notice is made for the purpose of extracting money and goods.
Pooh on them.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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