DEAR MISS MANNERS: Miss A marries Mr. B but chooses to keep her original surname. How should she be addressed?
These options all seem wrong: Miss A (because she’s married), Mrs. A (she’s not married to Mr. A) and Mrs. B (she’s keeping A). And Ms. A may be considered a cop-out in some situations. What to do?
GENTLE READER: Take the cop-out, as you call it. Miss Manners would call it a graceful and traditional — yes, traditional — way of solving such problems. Isn’t that what you are requesting?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why is it considered taboo to ask a woman her age? Why would a woman not be obliged to answer when asked her age?
GENTLE READER: Well, why, indeed? A society that extols youth and degrades age has poisoned the pleasure of having a long life, but people have curiously adopted this attitude. Often, even employers (illegally) value youth over experience.
In social circumstances, Miss Manners has always thought it ridiculous to consider one’s age an embarrassment. Nevertheless, it is — to many gentlemen, as well as ladies — and therefore that question should not be asked of anyone except children.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I have a small group of very dear friends. For nearly two years, I have been forced to forgo the pleasure of entertaining them in our home (always our home, because it is the largest). It is one of my greatest pleasures to cook up mountains of food to serve to my guests.
This year, with all of us having been vaxxed and boostered, we finally felt fairly comfortable gathering together. Would it be crass on my part to send each of these dear people a little note of thanks for attending our gathering?
I honestly feel that each and every one of them has graced and honored my home by doing so. I realize that it seems a bit backward to thank someone for merely entering my front door, but that is how I feel.
GENTLE READER: So tell them that when they thank you. But unaccustomed as Miss Manners is to discouraging letters of thanks, she begs you to refrain from writing.
It is the guests’ duty to thank the hosts, and reversing this will only make them feel that you are prompting them to do more. What would you think if you had received a present and afterwards, whether or not you had gotten around to writing, received a letter from the donor expressing her joy in giving it to you?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a friend who has taken to dropping by unannounced. In one day, he stopped by three times and drove by four additional times.
In addition, one day I was lying down in my room behind a closed door. He used the bathroom across the hall and then barged into my room without knocking.
I don’t want to be rude, but I’m at my wits’ end with this guy. How can I handle this gracefully?
GENTLE READER: Have you thought of locking your front door?
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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