DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a married woman, over 65 years old, who has a number of platonic friendships with men.
Having moved away from my hometown years ago, I often visit there, sometimes for a week or two at a time. An old friend who is a single man about my age has a comfortable home there and enjoys my company. Therefore, when I visit this city, I stay with him.
It is not a large space, but we have figured out solutions so that I have my own area in which to sleep and have some privacy. This arrangement seems natural to me, and also to my husband.
My problem is that a close, longtime female friend finds this inappropriate, and her opinion on the issue is affecting our friendship. I have asked her if she thinks that this man and I are involved sexually and she responds that she is “not sure.”
Am I wrong to believe that men and women can have platonic relationships and that spending nights under the same roof is a socially acceptable practice?
GENTLE READER: Why are you and your husband not chortling at the picture of your good friend speculating about your possible wickedness?
As Miss Manners recalls, there was, indeed, a time when it was assumed that any male and any female who were left unsupervised would go right to it.
Now, despite hookup culture, we have had to face the disappointing fact that we are just not perpetually all that sexually charged. One should not assume that even opposite-sex roommates are up to any activity more exciting than video games.
Also, society has learned — well, not to mind its own business, but at least to register less shock. Time was when wedding guests might question whether a bride was “entitled” to wear a white dress. That nasty bit of fun was spoiled when the maid of honor could be the couple’s daughter, or the best man her previous husband.
Your friend seems not to have noticed the change in attitudes. Miss Manners would be inclined to let her enjoy herself wondering about your scandalous behavior.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is the pasta spoon used widely in Italy? If not provided one at a restaurant or at someone’s home, should one request it? Or does the fact that a spoon has not been supplied indicate that one isn’t needed or shouldn’t be used?
GENTLE READER: The answer will antagonize countless Italian Americans, which is certainly not Miss Manners’ intention.
Those whose grandparents used the spoon believe that it is a proper Italian custom.But this usage developed in America, and is not practiced by grown-ups in Italy, where the spoon is used only to teach small children the crucial skill of twirling pasta. Mi dispiace.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught to say “excuse me” whenever I unintentionally burp in polite company. What should I do if I break wind?
GENTLE READER: Direct a surprised look at the nearest dog.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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