DEAR MISS MANNERS: My second cousin is getting married. Her mother contacted my sister for my address to send me an invitation to the wedding.
My sister said she didn’t have my address and insisted the bride’s mother send my invitation to her house.
I do not live with my sister; I have my own home.
When said invitation arrived, it did not just have my name on it: It had my sister’s, as well — and listed first — so I did not even get my own invitation.
The acquisition of my address is not a difficult thing. My sister could have contacted me or my mother within a moment’s notice to ask. We all have phone numbers, email and social media. The mother of the bride could have done the same. Neither attempted to do such a thing.
I was unaware I was invited until my sister mentioned something about it a mere two weeks before the wedding, acting appalled that I had no intention of going, or even of sending a gift or a card. She had not shown me the invitation or indicated it had arrived.
Had my parents not planned on going, I would have never even known there was a wedding happening.
Please settle our family debate: Was I invited to this wedding, though no invitation came to my home, nor was any invitation with my name on it shown to me? And am I making a faux pas by not answering the invitation or sending a gift?
GENTLE READER: Do you want to go? If you do, then Miss Manners is happy to inform you that you were invited.
If you do not want to go, then be even more appalled than your sister when you tell her that, not having seen the invitation, you did not respond — and now have a conflict. You should then write a letter with a similar, apologetic message to the bride. It need not be accompanied by a present.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 71 years old and have been in a relationship with a 71-year-old man (“M”) for two years. We are living together, but I am financially independent. We share all expenses.
M’s daughter (35, one of a set of twins) started insulting and disrespecting me over a year ago. The incidents have been blatant. M promised to talk to her, but he never did, and the disrespect has escalated.
M’s suggestion is that I work to mend the relationship. Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt by and resentful of both the daughter and M? I am considering ending this relationship as a result of this perceived disrespect.
GENTLE READER: A referee’s job is to be neutral. Parents have no such luxury when their children misbehave.
You are right to expect M’s daughter to behave, and you are right to expect M to speak to her when she does not. Tell him Miss Manners said so, and when you hear his response, you can decide whether it is time to end the relationship.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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