DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate way to respond when someone asks, “What are you doing here?”
This often happens when I run into friends, acquaintances or co-workers in the small city we live in. Do I need their permission to be in their part of town (which is less than 2 miles from my home)?
What about when I’m talking about a cool venture that a friend from a different town is starting, only to hear, “I didn’t know you guys were friends”? Do I have to justify to people how we became friends and explain how often we talk?
These remarks never sound curious, but accusatory.
I’m on my last nerve and am about to say something sarcastic to the next person who does this!
GENTLE READER: Do your friends truly think you need their permission to be out and about? You know them best, but it seems unlikely — which would make a sarcastic retort unprovoked as well as rude.
The greatest threat to public civility used to be rudeness, but Miss Manners fears that taking offense when none is intended (or, in this case, given) is catching up.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have season tickets to our local basketball team. Our favorite snack at the arena, by far, is peanuts. But I always feel guilty eating them, because there is no way to crack the shells without making a mess.
There isn’t even a receptacle to put the empty shells into, so they just end up on the floor. I always feel bad for the arena staff who have to clean up after us — but at the same time, the arena sells peanuts, so I imagine it is the expectation of the cleaning staff that some people will eat them and the shells will then have to be cleaned up.
Is it OK to eat peanuts at the game? Or should we skip our favorite snack?
GENTLE READER: What happened to the bag the peanuts came in?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, I went through a very bad time with PTSD. My workplace referred me to a psychologist, and I spent a year working closely with him before I was well enough to do without the therapy.
He was an awesome therapist and gave me some great tools to cope with things and live life (mostly) normally. I think of him often, with appreciation for all the help. (There are no romantic feelings; I am very happily married.)
I have considered sending him a thank-you card to express my appreciation, but am not sure if that would be awkward. If it had been any other kind of professional, I wouldn’t have any second thoughts about it, but because it is a therapist, I am hesitant. Are there rules for thanking therapists?
GENTLE READER: Thanking any professional for work done is gracious and, almost always, appreciated. The only rule is that the form of the thanks not be such as to be mistaken for something else.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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