DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am irked at the use of the phrase “you’re fine.”
It seems to be used in the context of reassuring me that I haven’t done anything wrong, but often in a situation in which they have.
For example, if someone is blocking the aisle in the grocery, and I politely say, “Excuse me,” they might move but respond with “You’re fine.”
Or, when I explained to a customer that she would need her ID to renew her membership card, she said that she would need to go out to her car to get it. I reiterated that she would need to bring the ID in, and I got a response of “You’re fine.”
Perhaps this is the millennial version of what Miss Manners refers to as a convention. Am I being too prickly?
GENTLE READER: No, you’re fine.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a female medical professional. I advise patients on nutritional and dietary matters relating to their efforts to lose weight for health reasons. I also happen to be naturally quite slender.
Occasionally when I meet a patient (most of whom are women), she will comment, “You’re so skinny!” Or, in the course of a consultation, “Well, I’ll never look like you!”
These well-meant remarks make me feel awkward and interfere with my ability to build rapport. I usually just weakly smile, mumble something like, “Well, you know …” and try to return to the topic at hand.
Can you suggest a better way to handle these unnecessary comments?
GENTLE READER: “We are each on our own path to good health, and it is pointless to make comparisons. Let’s focus instead on you and your unique goals.”
Out of compassion, however, Miss Manners suggests that you refrain from emphasizing your own good fortune by not eating a whole pie in front of these ladies.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am pregnant with my second child and want to have a party to celebrate this.
I missed out on a baby shower with my first. I was hospitalized at six months and had my son a month later (two months early), so he was in the hospital for a while. Luckily he is very healthy, but it was very rough for a while, and we never had a shower.
I would really love to have that experience and am not interested in presents, just a celebration.
Would this be tacky? And how would I word an invitation to convey this is a celebration and not about presents?
GENTLE READER: What you are describing is not a shower — one should not shower oneself — but more of an arrival party.
Miss Manners therefore suggests you wait until the baby’s arrival to do it. The invitation may be worded, “Please come to meet our new daughter, Willow Grace, on Sunday, August 7, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.”
Your guests will probably bring presents anyway, but it will not feel quite so mandatory as at a shower.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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