My daughter was four-years-old when I went to prison, here’s what I want to tell her

As you know, when you were 4 years old I was sent to prison. I knew you would miss me because it was always “US”, but the fact that you would then have to have therapy as a child in order for you to make sense of the way that you were feeling is still something that breaks my heart.

See, when you’re in school they teach you Math, English, and Science, but no one teaches you about healthy and unhealthy relationships. I had known that abusive [relationships] exist but I always thought it was from a physical perspective, I wasn’t aware that, in fact, it can also be psychological and emotional abuse.

In the beginning of my relationship everything was ‘perfect’ he was supportive, understanding, complimentary, everything that you would love for in a relationship. He pulled me in so that I would trust him, I would hang on to his every word. I became financially dependent on him, he isolated me from friends and family. He paid for my car and the home that we lived in at the time. He controlled every inch of my life and the idea of walking away was so daunting that I stayed.

He started bringing me along with him to meet his “friends” and would then ask me on another occasion if I could just pop there myself where I would pick up a bag for him. Before I knew it I was collecting large sums of money and delivering drugs for him. I knew what I was doing was wrong. Of course I did, but I was already in too deep.

It’s so easy for people who have never experienced such things to tell you ‘why don’t you just leave?’ but you become bound to this person by their ability to manipulate and control you. He broke me down into a version of myself that I didn’t recognise. He would call me fat, ugly, and tell me that no one would want me. He even started to become physical with me where he would punch me across the face because he didn’t like my attitude.

They chip away at you and you become just a shell of the person you once were. Then once they have spent time doing this they will treat you in the most amazing way, shower you with gifts and apologise for upsetting you. Then the “circle of abuse” starts again but as women we tend to hold onto the times where it was good. We believe him when he tells us he’s going to change, they never do. It’s who they are, controlling, manipulative, abusive, narcissistic individuals that thrive on making women feel this way, it does something for their ego.

A healthy relationship should lift you up, make you feel positive, inspired, loved and secure. You should never question your worth. You should be able to go on a night out with your girlfriends and not be accused of cheating. They should never make you feel anything less than a Queen.