Olympic and Commonwealth swimmer Michael Gunning breaks down what Black joy means to him

Michael Gunning, 29, is an Olympic and Commonwealth swimmer who has competed for both Great Britain and Team Jamaica at an international level, specialising in the 200m butterfly and 200m freestyle. He also made a memorable appearance on dating show The Bi Life before coming out as gay in 2018. In this exclusive for Pride Month, Michael opens up about what Black joy means to him…

Black joy to me means being present and continuing to inspire. My story is quite different, being a gay and mixed race swimmer, I’ve always been a minority and there’s not really been people that look like me in sport and in swimming. Having that voice and just having fun with it. Swimming can be quite a lonely sport. You have your team around you, but at the end of the day, you’ve got a lane and you’ve got to stay in your lane. Travelling the world, representing your country, there’s a lot of pressure that does get to you. Being a minority, it can feel quite isolating. During those low points, I really try and remember why I started and I want to be that change, I want to be that inspiration for that next young person growing up who does look like me and does want to be represented, because I know that I’m inspiring so many people every day.

I’m really trying to do what I can to be that role model for others, inspire others to take up swimming even if they don’t think it’s something’s for them. Ultimately, showing that everyone has that opportunity, you shouldn’t have to limit yourself or cut yourself short, you should just go for your dreams, because anything is possible. I’m really trying to do what I can to help that diversity and inclusion with swimming and with sport as a whole.

© Clive Rose

We need to share these powerful stories, because to get to the top, you need that support along the way. I’m really passionate about mental health and being supported. I was very lucky that towards the end of my career, I had a great sports psychologist. People see it as a weakness to almost not talk about it and not talk about the struggles and the battles that you have encountered. But I find power in that, I find joy in that. Since speaking to psychologists and being so open about my mental health, I was able to go further. I saw a massive improvement in my swimming and everyone deserves that. You should never be ashamed to ask for help and seek the guidance you need, because you don’t always see the struggles of people already at the top.

And we even see that on the big screen. I’ve always been a big Disney fan, but seeing the remake of The Little Mermaid gave me so much joy as it was wonderful to see Halle Bailey taking the part of Ariel. TV, the media and sport really does have such a big platform to inspire so many people all around the world, and I know many young people of colour will finally see themselves represented in this movie and it inspires me so much.

© Antony Jones

I’ve always been a very bubbly character, and even when I was at school when I was being bullied, I always wanted to have that smile on my face and bring joy to people’s lives. I remember someone telling me: ‘Never dim your light, never change who you are to please others because you’re enough’. Growing up, I really struggled with my sexuality and being different in sport, I always questioned whether I was good enough or whether I did deserve to be in that space. But actually hearing that I realised that I shouldn’t have to change who I was.

Bullying made me have really low self-esteem. Being in sport, I decided to almost suppress my sexuality, deep down inside of me, I wasn’t ready to face being honest. I was a little bit in denial of my sexuality, I didn’t want to be the way I was. During those times I really relied on my family, my family gives me so much joy and without my friends and loved ones I really wouldn’t be where I am today.

© David M. Benett

In my early years, I hated being on my own, but now I love taking time for myself, reading a book, going for a walk, just doing something to help my well-being. I love nature and even now I’ve retired from swimming, I love the water. When I’m away on holiday, getting in the sea, connecting with physical activity again that it really ignites something inside of me.

Being part of the LGBTQ+ community is like being a part of a massive family. I went to my first Pride event last year, and I was always quite scared to step into that space and embrace who I was. But when I attended Brighton Pride, I really found that sense of community, that sense of love by everyone. Whether you’re part of the community, whether you’re an ally, whether you’re just somebody who just is there, it doesn’t matter about their sexuality, because you can be whoever you are.

© Lia Toby

I’m so much more in love with who I am and the person that I am now, but I think there’s still many struggles. Being Jamaican, being gay is illegal in my country and there’s still so many countries where it is illegal. I’ve experienced first-hand people who have been petrified to come out to their families, and I can’t begin to understand what they must be going through. But I can try and help them and use the platform that I have to help create change, I’ve found that helping others really helps myself and it makes me proud of my identity. Everyone’s journey is different, not everyone’s gonna come out at the same time and, it’s your own journey. Whenever somebody feels comfortable, it’s their own path.

I will be attending Pride in London this year for the first time. I’ve not really been in crowds since the Manchester Arena Bombing. It’s made me quite scared and anxious and I’ve always put my walls up around going into big public places. It’s time, I want to be in big crowds with people that love themselves, love others and just be a part of that community that is so loving.

Retirement has been a tough transition. Swimming and being an athlete is all I’ve ever known. Although I feel like I’ve lost my identity, I love finding out my new identity and what connects works for me. I’m learning to love Michael, outside of the pool and it feels great.