Peugeot counter attacks Jaguar’s BOGO promotion

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Sharpening their promotional claws, British automaker Jaguar announced a new BOGO (buy one, get one) initiative that’s sure to have the country seeing double. According to a Top Gear correspondent, Cory Spondent, any customer who buys a Jaguar vehicle the exact day of England winning the World Cup — if England wins — will receive a second vehicle of equal or lesser value at no charge.

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Well, you heard it here first: Driving’s senior contributor, Señor Contri Butor has an exclusive straight from Peugeot. The French automaker is offering a BNGO (buy none, get one) promotion when France defeats England at the quarter-finals on December 10. Free Peugeots for everyone (some exclusions apply, offer not valid in Canada)! Plus, they’ll throw in a free cat toy — upgrade to a lion for a small fee.

Scratching the itch of product awareness on the streets of London and Paris, this could help Jaguar and Peugeot leap back into relevancy after using up nearly all of their nine lives over recent years.

In an exclusive interview with Kat Klawssen (pronounced Claw-son), a real employee at a real Jaguar dealership, she shared the fundamentals of how soccer/football — whatever you choose to call it — and cars connect on a deeper level. “You need a foot to propel our vehicles and create sheer driving excitement, and what better way to highlight the importance of your feet by launching this campaign in parallel with England’s football team!” She continued, “We also know the importance of feet for braking, much like the need for feet while kicking the football, which is why we have a limited edition XF Sportbrake model.”

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In the event that England does not win, the promotion will change to “buy one, pay double” — fair is fair, right?

American manufacturers were also quick to rise to the occasion, with Ram, Ford and Chevrolet originally offering an additional 10 kg of towing capacity for all new pickup buyers. Unfortunately, the U.S. team was knocked out after their recent game against Netherlands. Likewise, Toyota offered all-new high definition backup cameras to existing customers, but Japan fell short to Croatia earlier this morning, meaning no new backup cameras for Toyota fans. Canadian divisions of Ford, Stellantis, GM, Toyota, and Honda were rumoured to be offering discounts x $1,000 on their Canadian-built models for every point Team Canada earned at the World Cup, so stay tuned for that upcoming promotion.

At this point, all we can do is stay positive and hope this tale sees a purrfect ending.

[Note: hopefully, it was obvious, but if not, this is a joke, as was the original Top Gear article.]