Real Housewives of Orange County: Topless Tamra slips and slides

Emily Simpson’s husband Shane had one question after the pool party his wife hosted on “The Real Housewives of Orange County” Wednesday: “Did Tamra take her off her top?”

It’s not as weird of a question as it might seem to newcomers to the show. Tamra Judge has a way of falling out of her clothes given the right combination of water – in this case, an adult-sized slip-and-slide – and booze – champagne, mostly, on this episode.

“That’s like, ‘Is the sky blue? Is the grass green?’” replied Emily, who has seen some things when it comes to Tamra.

In this case, it wasn’t even an accident. Tamra decided the afternoon of slipping and sliding across the backyard of Emily’s mother-in-law Pary’s lawn needed a spark. She untied a knot and voila, topless slip-and-slide on her knees, leaning back like Bruce Springsteen in that Super Bowl halftime show – except Bruce kept his top on.

“Tamra Judge, cover your (place where a burlesque dancer wears pasties), we do not have a budget for pixelation!” shouted Gina Kirschenheiter from off-camera.

Pary, who is a proper grownup, hasn’t finished rolling her eyes at Tamra when into the frame flies her daughter-in-law, Emily, catching up with Tamra on the slip-and-slide.

(Bravo apparently found enough money under the cushions of the Housewives’ couches to afford pixelation of their not-so-private parts.)

Of course, not all the Housewives were as keen to feel fresh air on their flesh. Shannon Storms Beador is always a bit more reluctant to let it all hang out, and Heather Dubrow wore a full-body wetsuit to avoid coming into contact with any of the slip-and-slide water which had quickly turned mucky from washed-off spray tan and spilled champagne.

“With this suit, my body doesn’t touch the ick,” Heather explains.

“When I planned this party, I envisioned all these hot girlfriends in bikinis,” Emily grumbled to the camera. “But I got Shannon in her Spanx and Heather looking like a whale trainer at Sea World.

“This is not Girls Gone Wild, this is not Cougars Gone Wild, this is not even like Grannies Gone Wild,” she continued. “This is nobody’s gone wild.”

The only other action of note during the pool party was what might be – but almost definitely won’t be – a wrap on the hullabaloo over Jenn Pedranti and her boyfriend Ryan, a relationship some of the women, Tamra most of all, do not believe is good for Jenn.

This storyline is so tired I’ve taken off my own bikini top in protest. To quote Taylor Armstrong as this particular drama was revving up again: “What is happening? Do we not have anything better to talk about?”