Self Esteem on body image, diet culture and ‘fighting’ for the ‘body I can have without killing myself’

Superstar Self Esteem has broken down her take on body image pressures and accepting her figure as it is in a heartbreaking but empowering new interview.

She spoke to The Times about “fighting” for her size 12 to 14 figure. “This is the body I can have without killing myself every day. I suppose that’s what I’m fighting for,” she said, adding that she gets offered acting castings for “characters that are called things like ‘Fat Debbie’”, describing how much diet culture affects her daily life.

“There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think about it. My day is consumed by thinking about what’s going to go in my mouth. Even if it’s a great big dirty cheeseburger I’m going to enjoy, it’s just so fraught with stress.”

The singer went on to describe the limitations of being a woman in the music industry, particularly when it comes to how you’re supposed to look: “It’s just so weird being a female artist, because there’s only one idea of what you can be. We’re not allowed not to be tiny. We’re not allowed to be older.”

That said, there are some positives to her journey, and she insists that she’s “slightly changing the game”, even though her doubts to come through.

“There’s always that voice inside your head: ‘Should you just do what society still wants from a woman?’ Obviously I have the same problems as anyone else. When I look in the mirror I think, ‘Oh God.’”

She points to the patriarchy as one of the reasons for the body image pressures that she – and the rest of us – face: “The thing is, men are in charge. They are still at the top everywhere. And skinniness is something that’s been sold to make us as tired and submissive as possible.”

Self Esteem also opened up briefly about her sexuality, which she described as “not really interesting” and the liberation that RuPaul’s Drag Race brought when it comes to accepting her body as it is.

“This absurd femininity was cherished,” she explained. “My boyfriend was very critical of my weight and boobs. He thought they were disgusting. It’s ridiculous but [RuPaul] helped me accept my tits and go, ‘Hang on a minute.’”