Signs you may be in a trauma bond relationship

A trauma bond relationship is based on equal amounts of rewards and punishments. It arises from the recurring cycles of abuse, making the victim confused on whether it is healthy for them. Emotional abuse in a relationship can come in various ways – from physical abuse to the subtle disrespects that can affect us hugely. However, in an emotionally abusive relationship, the reinforcement of affection through rewards makes the victim stay back and try to work things out. Therapist Maggie Lancioni addressed trauma bond relationship and spoke of the signs that denote the toxic format of relationship.

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Unpredictable: We often feel that the person we are with is inconsistent and unpredictable. The way they behave and the fact that we can never know what their next reaction will be, makes us fear them.

Defend the partner: We often notice that we are making excuses or defending the partner for their reactions or actions, even though sometimes we are sure that the way they behaved is wrong.

Discomfort: We often think of letting go of the relationship and finding a way out, but the thought of leaving the partner makes us feel uncomfortable.

Intense: The relationship can sometimes feel very intense and overwhelming. We often mistake the explosive language used in the relationship to be their language of love.

Needs: We often push away our needs because due to the orientation of the relationship, we have been made to believe that the needs of the partner are more important than ours. In this process, we start to lose our identity and sense of self and feel unfulfilled.

Change: The relationship is based on promises of the person wanting to change – however, they make no effort to do the same.

Conflicts: We dread conflicts and arguments and hence, walk on eggshells around the partner to never initiate a disagreement.

Feel loved: The acts of showing affection and love are inconsistent and make us feel confused.