Tonight’s Saturday Night Live cold open centered on C-SPAN coverage of former president Trump’s visit to the people of East Palestine, Ohio, following a train derailment that unleashed toxic waste on the town.
James Austin Johnson’s Trump, flanked by actual firemen from East Palestine, announced, “You know, earlier today, a farmer came up to me — big fella — and he said, ‘Sir, we have nothing to eat because our dirt is poisoned,’ and I said, ‘Well, what are you doing eating the dirt?’ Don’t eat the dirt, folks! Don’t eat the dirt. You should be eating the cold McDonald’s I brought you.”
Yes, Trump was in East Palestine this past week handing out Trump Water to people and trying his best to turn national tragedy into political advantage.
“And the bottled water — Trump Ice! I’ll be honest: I just put my sticker on some Dasani. We like to say ‘Dasani!’” exclaimed SNL’s Trump.
Recently, Trump also ranted on his flailing social network, Truth Social, about Rihanna’s Super Bowl halftime performance, because Trump has never found a Black artist he didn’t love to malign.
“EPIC FAIL: Rihanna gave, without question, the single worst Halftime Show in Super Bowl history — This after insulting far more than half of our Nation, which is already in serious DECLINE, with her foul and insulting language. Also, so much for her ‘Stylist!’” he wrote.
SNL’s Trump then weighed in during his East Palestine speech, saying, “Rihanna. By the way, you know, she was pregnant doing Super Bowl, can you believe that?” he asked. “I said, of course she is, she’s not moving at all. It was just arms, right? She was just doing arms the whole time.”
The former reality-show host’s ire soon moved to Pete Buttigieg, Biden’s Transportation Secretary.
“But your train exploded, and who to we blame? Who do we blame? We blame Buttigieg,” offered SNL’s Trump. “Pete Buttigieg. This was his responsibility. Unfortunately, he was too busy being a nerd and being gay… and I have to tell you: I call him Pete Butt. Believe me, I’ve tried it every which way, and it really doesn’t get better than Pete Butt.”
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