If you’ve ever delved into the psychology behind your relationships, you’ve probably stumbled across the concept of love languages, which was created by Gary Chapman.
The relationship guru defined 5 Love Languages, which represent 5 different ways that we express and receive love, including words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time and receiving gifts – and his concept went completely viral and has helped people decode their relationships since the 90s.
“We all have one or two prominent love languages. Finding out what your love language is, and your partner’s, will help you to unlock a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and help you to communicate your love to one another in the best possible way,” explains emotional health coach and best-selling author, Roxie Nafousi. “For example,” Roxie explains, “if you know that your partner’s love language is quality time and yours is words of affirmation, then you might ensure you carve out time each day to give them undivided attention, and you might ask in return that they make an extra effort to verbally express their love/appreciation.”
But one dating expert argues The Five Love Languages from Chapman’s 1992 book are totally outdated 31 years on. Seeking’s dating expert Emma Hathorn has examined these languages, and why some work, but others do not, particularly in a modern world where love is a lot more complex than it was in the 90s. “Love languages are changing,” she claims. “As our relationships evolve in the 21st century, the way that we relate to each other is going to shift too. It’s important to discover which language you speak in your relationship, and to find someone who can fundamentally understand you.”
In addition to examining the usefulness, and modern relevance, Seeking has also discovered three new love languages, based on global audience-based insight, expert analyses, and data. These are the new love languages that are becoming a part of modern dating zeitgeist and are vital to the evolution of current relationships.
The three new love languages she has discovered are:
Shared Travel
“Traveling together is not the same as quality time. It’s about discovering something new for the first time together – be it adventure, taking risk, and sharing a new experience. Discovering a culture, trying unfamiliar cuisines, and being thrown into different situations together can both test and strengthen a relationship – bringing you closer, or equally shifting the relationship dynamic toward breaking point,” she notes.
Healthy Debate
In a recent survey, Seeking discovered that PhD candidates receive 30% more interaction than any other degree type. “The fire of intellectual debate can fuel a relationship beyond its early stages, and make for a lasting, passionate connection that stands the test of time,” she explains.
Goal Sharing
This is a greater conversation surrounding modern dating, but it involves being in the position to both elevate your partner, and yourself through your relationship. “Be it emotionally, intellectually, or physically, it’s a love language that involves bettering your significant other in some way and gaining joy from seeing them succeed in their life and career when you have had a personal hand in it,” she says.
Another aspect of this love language is that you find closeness in working together with your partner towards a greater purpose or ideal. You share love and receive love when you are in a partnership surrounding a cause. “Many great loves have arisen through a shared ideology, and not only have gone on to flourish, but have stood the test of time and often gone down in history,” adds Emma.
Pay attention to these and it might help you (finally!) understand your relationship.
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