The Dilemmas of Urban Life

I was raised in the wild of the Texas Hill Country, on a beautiful free-range cattle ranch where I hiked and biked the rocky landscape, ate wild pecans, and climbed my favorite live oak nearly every day of my childhood after school. While I loved that experience for myself, I always envisioned living in a built-in community, like the kids at school who grew up with default neighborhood friend groups.

When my husband and I decided to purchase our first home, we really fell for the slick marketing behind “custom” homes in new suburbs. We picked a location in the sprawling Austin metropolis, not far from where I grew up. The particular suburb we bought into had pitched us a map that showed not only the expected neighborhood amenities like sidewalks, playgrounds, and pools, but expansion plans that called for trail systems, fairgrounds, and even river access. We swallowed up the $600 annual HOA fees and waited for our “investment” to pay off.

The expansion plans disappeared, of course, and we learned a great lesson in managing expectations. The house itself was perfectly fine. Our attempts at built-in community turned into a barrage of MLM sales pitches and invitations to “like” every social-media page of a neighbor or their business. The HOA charged us exorbitant daily fees for atrocities like leaving a visible weed in the front flower beds or putting the trash out too soon on the night before trash day. We also couldn’t park in the street overnight, for reasons that were hotly debated in the Facebook group.

During our first year in the community, a tornado knocked down two homes under construction down the street from us. The second year, we had 100 days above 100 degrees. Once, a neighbor drove her car in front of me onto the sidewalk where I was walking my dog and pushing my infant in a stroller because she thought my Facebook comment was condescending. (She was probably right about that part.)

Vehicles were burglarized and vandalized occasionally. One neighbor’s dog was killed by a venomous snake in their backyard, which shared a fence with ours. They never found the snake so they don’t know for sure. I didn’t know what to do, so I baked her a cake.

We began dreaming about picking up our pretty new home and moving it to somewhere far, far away, with mountains and snow. So we cut our losses, sold the home for a bit less than we paid for it, and moved to a rural neighborhood near Spokane, Washington.

Today, I’ve seen a porcupine, deer, chipmunks, turkeys, and robins in my yard. I can hike in the pine forest any day I want. And we have lovely neighbors just up and down the street! We can see a couple of their roofs from here. We have no HOA restrictions or fees, although we aren’t allowed to cut down our share of the forest. We’re able to build an accessory dwelling unit (ADU) someday, if we ever wanted a small second home for family or to offer for rent.

I’ve quit social media. I like these neighbors too much to learn about their political views. When our own dog died, we buried her in the yard, where we’ll plant a flowering tree for her. In a lot of ways, we were nudged North and West by both climate change and politics. I was born in this part of America, so I feel like I’ve come full circle, geographically. I have learned that community is what you make of it. And you can’t change things where you live, but you can change where you live.

We also lived in the city—downtown Spokane—for a few months before finally moving into our current home just as the first pandemic restrictions were announced. In the city, parking was an expensive nightmare. Our vehicles were each hit with rocks. The front door to our building was broken into. Many passive-aggressive notes were left in the laundry room. The neighbor below us filed a noise complaint about my toddler’s footsteps. We couldn’t possibly imagine moving back.

So I know you said to opine about urban and suburban life, but rural life is my favorite. This summer, I’m going to grow strawberries and watch the mountain bluebirds make their nests. I’m going to raise my children to love the Earth and to take care of her, and I’m happily going to live closer to nature to make that easier to accomplish.