The real impact of NDA abuse: ‘I struggled with reading my emails or answering the door. Being silenced is choking’

“When we consider trauma, what we don’t often realise is that often the ‘body keeps the score’ after the event if we do not get the opportunity to process the event in a way which allows us to heal. That means our bodies and minds will ‘hold on’ to the experience in an attempt to protect us. Pushing us to cope in harmful ways; to detach and self soothe, to avoid, to overcompensate. Using work, alcohol, food, shopping, or even over exercise as tools to help us ‘cope’ with the experience, and find a sense of ‘safety’.”

“Healing from significant trauma often depends on the support we have around us, and being able to vocalise to them what happened,” she explains. “NDAs can in these instances be seen as an added layer of trauma after the event itself, as they effectively prevent us from processing the event with others in a way that feels right for us.”

“During my days at Rape Crisis, some clients wanted to simply process their trauma or traumas with friends, family, and myself. Others took a legal route to help process it, holding the perpetrator or perpetrators accountable. Some took other options, starting charities, beginning grassroot organisations, even becoming successful spokespeople,” Ruth adds. 

And trauma is certainly something that Sarah* experienced first-hand when her company made her sign an NDA while pregnant. 

“I was 10 weeks pregnant and experienced a hematoma (localised bleeding outside of blood vessels) – as a consequence of being classified as high risk, I decided to tell my employers early that I was expecting. I sat down with my two male bosses and one stormed out the room. 

Over the next four weeks, he would start to make my life hell. Humiliating me in front of my team, in client meetings, passive-aggressively slamming doors, walking out of rooms and excluding me, then literally throwing work at me. After a month of this behaviour I had a series of panic attacks, I sat down with my other boss and explained the behaviours shown against me – he brought in another senior member to verify – she did and then I was sent home. That afternoon I decided to see my GP as I’d never had one and I thought maybe I was harming my baby. He put me on stress leave immediately.”

“A week into my stress leave I had a call from my employer’s solicitor to say I was sacked with immediate effect and I was being given a months severance. I knew that it was wrong, I rang a friend of mine who’s a lawyer and she put me on to her friend who was an employment lawyer. She gave it a name – sex and maternity discrimination – it didn’t even occur to me, that sort of language didn’t exist in my vocabulary.”

“We then took forward a legal challenge, during this time, I struggled with hearing my phone ring, reading my emails or answering the door. At the same time trying to deal with a pregnancy and enjoy it. Every legal letter felt like a risk, as it cost £500 a go (fortunately, my lawyer (my friends friend) ended up capping it).

 “After seven weeks of to’ing and fro’ing, I couldn’t do it anymore, my mental health was on the floor. I was offered a healthier settlement on the proviso of signing an NDA. It was explained to me as a confidentiality agreement, meaning I couldn’t talk about it. I didn’t realise it at the time but wanted the whole ordeal to stop, so I signed it. ”

“Once it had all stopped, I started to feel guilty. I felt guilty I didn’t take it forward, I was frustrated he got away scot free and I was angry that I had agreed to pretend it didn’t happen.”