The sexodus is here – people are having less sex thanks to the pandemic

If your answer is an emphatic yes, you’re certainly not alone.

New research from sex toy brand LELO’s 2022 sex census confirms that the Coronavirus-induced ‘sexodus’ is very much a thing.

The team surveyed 4,000 people about their sex lives, and found that of these participants, almost half (45%) said they had less sex than before or no sex at all in the past 18 months – and one in ten said they hadn’t even kissed another person during that time.

There were some lucky ducks that said they now have more sex than before (perhaps they moved in with a hookup in one of the early lockdowns?), but these were in the minority – just 21% said this was the case.

This isn’t so surprising.

We knew when the first lockdowns hit that our sex lives would see a decline, especially for those who were single and relied on going out and about to get laid.

But the impact of Covid-19 on the way we have sex goes beyond the practicalities of finding a hookup buddy.

The sheer stress of the last few years hasn’t exactly put us in a sexy mood. It’s tough to get excited about sex and make the effort to get busy when it feels like the world is ending.

‘The most obvious effect of anxiety on your sex life is a lowered libido, or desire to have sex,’ Annabelle Knight told Metro.co.uk amid the pandemic.

‘Higher levels of cortisol are associated with anxiety and stress emotions, and high cortisol can suppress sex hormones that impact desire.

‘Having sex when you’re feeling anxious is also basically like asking your mind to multitask, which is hard to do.

‘You are faced with two competing interests for the same neurological system – your anxiety and your sexual activity.

‘It’s not surprising you may struggle to get in the mood.’

The new LELO stats back this, with the top listed reason (given by 45% of participants) for Brits’ declining sex drives ‘mental health, including anxiety’.

The tricky thing is that while it’s hard to think about sex when you’re feeling rubbish, having sex does tend to make us feel better. You can thank all those stress-reducing hormones released by orgasms for that.

So, how do we get back on the proverbial horse and get riding again? Almara Abgarian, a sexpert and journalist who put together LELO’s report, shares some top tips…

Take things slow

‘Regardless if you’re in a relationship, dating, or single, the most important thing is to take it slow while also encouraging yourself to step out of your comfort zone,’ says Almara.

‘What this can look like is individual to your needs; perhaps it’s downloading a dating app and taking a few swipes, striking up a conversation with a stranger or adjusting your mindset.

‘We often make the mistake of only considering what our head is telling us but take cues from your body too; it’s an excellent indicator for what feels right or doesn’t – like when you get a flutter in your stomach when meeting someone you like or when our muscles tense up as we take a step that feels a bit too much, too soon.

‘Tune into yourself.’

Talk to someone

A problem shared is a problem halved, and just talking about your sex life can go a long way in making you feel less alone in finding things tough right now.

Chat with a pal, your partner, or a mental health professional.

Play by yourself

Before you plunge right back into the dating pool, spend some time enjoying yourself solo.

‘In the past 18 months, one in ten Brits have used sex toys more, which is encouraging news when you consider the many benefits from masturbation, such as reduced stress, improved sleep, and orgasms,’ says Almara.

Is low libido the issue? Almara’s got some tips for tackling that, too…

How to boost your sex drive

Set the scene

Don’t get down on yourself if your sex drive doesn’t awaken at the drop of a hat. It can help to make a proper moment of getting yourself in the mood, whatever that looks like for you – think nice bedsheets, mood lighting and candles, some porn, meditation…

Shut off distractions

‘Receiving endless app notifications and texts on your phone could serve to disrupt your solo play,’ notes Almara.

‘Put your phone in a different room or turn it off.

If the idea of not being reachable makes you feel stressed, schedule a set time for your playtime like you would any other appointment. That way, you’re telling your mind that this is an important booking that needs your attention.’

Mix things up

Almara says: ‘If you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut both romantically and sexually, which in turn can affect your sex drive or attraction to your partner.

‘A good way to spice things up is to break existing patterns or evaluate which parts of your sex life you enjoy the most, and then find space to add in new activities.

‘As an example, if you and your sexual partner have a tendency to head straight for the missionary position, suggest trying new sex positions for a month.

‘You could also use a sex guide for inspiration or alternatively compile a list of your fantasies together and work your way through them.’

Focus on intimacy and pleasure, not orgasms

Orgasms don’t have to be the be all and end all of great sex. Take the pressure off and just enjoying playing, exploring, and having fun.

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