The Tank is the Most Generic Creature Feature of This Century

Posted in: Blu-Ray, Movies, Review | Tagged: creature feature, horror movie, scott walker, The Tank, WellGo USA

The Tank is well-made, but shockingly the most generic and dull creature feature horror film of this century. It’s a mystery why it was made.

Here’s The Tank. You may have seen or heard this story before: a man inherits his old family home in the middle of nowhere in the woods and does the one thing no one in a horror story should ever do, move his wife and kid there. There’s a water tank on the property that holds horrors. Oh, it’s just creatures that eat people. It takes them a while to realise that’s the problem after the monsters have eaten some people before coming after them. By the climax, the family has to escape the creatures.

To watch The Tank is something of a shock. The shock being that it is possibly the most ordinary, generic, unsurprising Creature Feature horror film of this century. The mystery is why this film got made at all. What made writer-director Scott Walker passionate about making it? What is so special about this story that we missed? Why should we care about the family other than they’re sympathetic in the most generic way imaginable? They have a young daughter they have to protect. This is not the kind of film that ruthlessly kills off children.

Why was The Tank Made?

Don’t get us wrong. The Tank is an impeccably made film. It is well-directed, well-shot, well-edited, and well-acted. Everyone involved in the production is a consummate professional at the top of their game. It’s just extremely unsurprisingly and dull. The film is like a showreel for everyone involved who needs their next job. Every beat, every step of the story of The Tank is utterly generic and predictable. There are no surprises or twists in the story. There is no turn you haven’t encountered if you’ve seen or read haunted old house stories. There is no high concept: it’s just man-heating creatures who have been dwelling in a tank for decades. The design of the creatures is also generic, vaguely reminiscent of the xenomorph from Alien but fleshier. There is no grand theme in the story. It’s disappointingly literal, just a vague and dull notion about uncovering the tragic family history and a family that must fight against literal monsters that, at best, serve as a metaphor for dark secrets. There is no mind-expanding Lovecraftian theme about cosmic horror and the insignificance of humans in their wake. There’s no humour or wit in The Tank at all. It doesn’t have the campy absurdity of a Sharknado. It doesn’t have the R-rated body horror gore of the Evil Dead films. It’s also puzzling that it’s rated R when it has no sex or nudity and is not particularly gory. It feels more like the deeper end of PG-13. We don’t set out to pan a movie when we review them, but we’re curious what we might learn from one such as this one.

The Tank is an old-fashioned horror movie, a creature feature for the whole family. It may be too intense for small children, but parents can comfortably watch it with kids older than ten without the risk of them getting permanently traumatized. However, if you’re a hardcore horror fan, you might have to find stronger, weirder fare elsewhere.

The Tank is now out on Blu-Ray, DVD, and VOD.

The Tank

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Review by Adi Tantimedh

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5.5/10

A well-made Creature Feature horror film that is completely unsurprising, predictable, generic and dull in every aspect, which makes it a mystery why such an undistinguished but slick film was made at all. It can’t possibly be a passion project for anyone involved.

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